In a Broken World
by syrai
Summary: X5453 is a girl trying to live her life but with her luck something always comes up. And usually that something has something to do with her twin, Max. BenOriginal AlecOriginal etc. ON HIATUS.
1. Prologue

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Broken

World

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-by Syrai-

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Disclaimer: The same old babble. Dark Angel isn't mine. The characters of the show aren't mine. They're the respected property of FOX, Mutant Enemy, James Cameron and all the other crazy people that have come up with this junk. Respected junk. Angel? All mine. Trini? All mine. All the other original characters in the show you've never heard of? Guess what? Mine.

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"They designed her to be the perfect soldier, a human weapon. Then she escaped. In a future not far from now, in a broken world she is haunted by her past. She cannot run; she must fight to discover her destiny"****

Chapter one: Prologue

I am X5-453. That is my designation. Or at least it was my designation; the one thing that defined me, who and what I am. Now it doesn't matter anymore - nothing really does. Why? Simple, because this is a totally different world that I live in now.

My barcode was 332960073453. Actually I still have a barcode, I just keep forgetting it from time to time, although I still know it's never gonna change. I'll always have it. I guess prayers aren't always answered.

Her barcode is 332960073452. Of course it's not much different than mine 'cause like me; she's an X5 too, but most of the people know her as Max. Not as 452 but as Max Guevara. Either way she's one of those rebel ones who ran away in 2009 and that's one of the reasons why I dislike her so deeply though I think I could come up with more. The fact is that she just gave up and left without thinking what it might do to those who stayed. Of course that's only how I see it.

I am – we both are part of a top-secret project named Manticore. Manticore's purpose was, and I guess still is, to make gene manipulated soldiers, perfect human beings. Human weapons, you could say. Those soldiers were designated to be perfect in any possible way you can think of. Manticore made them to defend this country or that's what they said but what they were really doing was the Government's dirty work. It took a long time before I understood what there was behind the curtains. Manticore just wanted to destroy everything that stood in their way by using those soldiers who believed they were meant to do something big, something important. Something good! Those soldiers wanted so badly to believe, that all those things they had to do, they did for humankind.

But no.

Now I know that they were fighting for the wrong people; but how could they have known then? Manticore just created a new race of soldiers so they could someday rule the world. Not a big plan, huh? What can I say? Human beings are greedy; it's their nature.

And I - I am one of those soldiers but I'm not so perfect as I should be, not as perfect as I want to be or as perfect as She with no doubt is. That is the famous luck of mine! Something in me, in my genes, is different, wrong and even though I've been through thousands of exams nobody really knows what. Maybe I'm some kind of trash bin and I ended up with all of her bad genes, go figure. But what I do know is that I'm not the only one facing this problem, and I feel guilty for being alive, because unlike her, I do care what happens to my family. To the ones' who are like me...

There are in fact hundreds of creatures like me and some of them have even bigger problems than I ever will. I at least look normal, unlike many others. While we were back inside the Manticore the way we looked didn't really matter, it' was all about our genes. We had to live in those laboratories underground and those who didn't live underground, they were isolated from the others in some other way. They were better than us so we didn't have any rights to be near them - breathing the same air was a crime for itself. That is one hell of a way to level down your self-respect, I can say that.

Yeah, we were transgenics like them but so what? We were failures and that was all that mattered.

As I said, we didn't fit in at Manticore; not the way we wanted. Just because of our bad genes, and yet we didn't get permission to adjust into the real world. Into the world around us. I guess we were the one risk Manticore couldn't take.

Then she came into the picture. Again.

In the end it doesn't matter what others say or think – to me she has never been a savior. Pain in the ass would be more describable from my point of view. I don't usually feel sorry for myself, or at least I didn't used to, but I guess the world has gotten to me too. I just have to keep thinking that what's gonna come, comes, it's not a big deal. I learned that from Ben and I try not to look back or regret the things I've done, even though maybe I should.

But still I can't make myself stop hating her. I have felt too much pain because of her reckless character and the fact that she practically burnt Manticore down and "saved" us doesn't make it any better. On top of all that she probably did it all out of guilt, out of pity. And I definitely don't want her pity.

Zack could never see things through my eyes and how could he have? He left with her in 2009; and in fact, he was the one who suggested running away. Shouldn't I hate him? For a while I did but he saved us with Krit and Syl. They stayed by my side after all I did and it was the one thing I needed at that moment. Some one to trust - Safety.

From the beginning it was more than obvious that Zack had had feelings for 452, for Max. I could see it every single time he looked at me. Sorrow, happiness, pain, love. I could see it all in his eyes and even though he tried real hard to hide it from me, he just couldn't. Max had taken everything away from him, but I know he still kept loving her. He wasn't even able to remember his past; not until he got to know me and still his feelings were there.

The only thing he ever said to me about her was that she had done a big, and he meant a BIG favor by saving us. Yeah right. Zack only saw what he wanted to see, nothing else and nothing more. Can I blame him? I guess not. Okay, and so what if he was right. I mean who knows; maybe she really did save us from the "dark future that was heading toward us." Maybe she did save us in a certain way, but nothing - NOTHING can change the fact that during my miserable life she was on the outside, living the dream of everyone in there, living the life that should've been mine! The worst part I can think of is that it wasn't only me who had to deal with the consequences of THEIR escape. We all, especially the twins of the escapees had to survive six or even seven months in psy-ops which believe me, is the best way to defeat your enemy. We all had to pass many difficult tests and some of us did - some of us didn't. We accepted it with no arguments. It was our daily life, and at the time we didn't see anything wrong with it. Besides, even if we had seen, there was absolutely nothing we could've done.

So how can I feel anything else than deep hate when it comes to her? Don't get me totally wrong; I'm grateful to her for showing the others the truth that was hidden from us for years. But she could've done it differently. I mean a lot differently.

I don't know if I can ever forget that she left me there, a long time ago. If I knew about her, she had to know about me, right?

Well, who cares about her? Now I'm a soldier – the one I should have been from the beginning. Soldier with no feelings what-so-ever. But I guess sometimes it's too hard to be a soldier, and then I just have to pretend to be one. That's the only way to survive in here.

The question is, will I ever find this inner peace everybody is always babbling about? Don't know. All I wanna do is close my eyes, lie down, take a deep breath and dream about this life that I once had. It was there, right in front of my very eyes, but I refused to see it. And when I came to understand it, I was already too deep in the shit, too scared about what was about to happen. Ordinary life is no longer an option for me and hopefully not to them either. Was it ever an option?

Well, now that it's all gone, I can see everything more than clearly. I just have to deal with the life I have now. Going forward from this point is hard, but it's something we all have to do no matter how it hurts.

And believe me when I say, it hurts like hell. But I'll keep moving, 'cause hey - up is the only way I can go from here.


	2. Danger Ahead

Chapter two: Danger Ahead

It rained. Angel sat on the cold windowsill allowing the cool freeze to caress her face as she watched the rain fall down on to the wet, black road. Everything outside matched perfectly with her blue state of mind. She felt not only depressed but also damn scared.

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Oh God, she thought while looking at her own reflection on the windows surface; dark brown, almost black short hair and big brown eyes staring right back at her without even blinking. Like a zombie staring at you from empty darkness. _Yeah, that's me alright. _She looked exactly the same as always but inside she felt that everything had changed, turned up side down - collapsed.

She pressed her head, like she usually did, against the cold glass to get her mind to cool off; but it didn't help this time. This had always been her own way to relax and get away from it all, and most of the time it worked, but now the sound of falling rain only got her thinking about everything that had been going on recently. And that was definitely one of those things she didn't want to be thinking of.

The fact that she had no idea of what was going on with her at the moment was driving her insane. Why did she feel so depressed? Why did she feel that something was really, really wrong? Was she imagining things again? Why should she even care whether something was wrong or not?

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How the hell did I end up at this point?

She was an X5 for heaven's sake! What the hell was she doing there then, playing home? Home with an ordinary human that had no idea what was really going on? She didn't want to play that stupid game anymore, not with him anyway. Why? She was too tired of pretending that she was someone else, and something else than what she really was. Too damn exhausted. Piece by piece it made her forget who she really was and… what she really was. _Shit._

At first it had been a great opportunity for a young X5 to show off her skills and just to see the world outside the Manticore… but now - Angel sighed sadly. Now she didn't know how she could keep doing all that anymore. Making him believe that she felt differently than she really did... Or did she? Lately that question had played a major part in her life.

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Goddamnit, she cursed silently. _What the fuck am I gonna do?_ Strangely, a part of her didn't care anymore about the job she knew had to be done. But even a bigger, scarier part of her was sure she could still do it - she had to do it. That part wanted it all to be over quickly, and that was the part of her she had to be listening to. Just had to. Angel wanted, no she actually needed to get back to Headquarters as soon as possible or – or she'd totally lose it. But then again, she'd lose everything else if she went back.

The future could've definitely seemed brighter.

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Yeah, great. Absolutely fucking great... What was she supposed to do in a situation like that, huh? Manticore hadn't really taught her how to deal with these kind of emotions… or emotions in general if that mattered. In Manticore there was no place for humanly weakness such as feelings. In there, everything was so much more simple; everyone knew what to do, when to do and just how to do it. And at the moment, that was the way she wanted it to be.

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Simple.

Being an X5 was easier than being a wife. In Manticore they had strict regulations and she followed them without questioning, just like a good soldier was supposed to do. They knew where they belonged, to whom they belonged and it made it so much easier to handle. How did normal humans deal with all that emotional shit life in general kept pouring on them? Angel didn't know. She had to give credit for those pathetic little creatures for that one though. What they lacked in skills, they made up in willpower.

Frustrated, almost sad sigh burst out of her mouth again. _So what if I'm not good with feelings? _Feelings or no feelings, she was going to complete the given assignment one way or another! In the end, accomplishing it was what mattered the most. She had come so far already; to the point where there was no turning back.

"God damn", Angel cursed again, only this time out loud. Gods, she had even crossed the line by having a child with her "target." Didn't that prove that she was able to finish it up? Of course it had been Manticore who had ordered her to do so, but in the end, it was her who had taken the necessary step and got herself pregnant. It hadn't happened by praying God.

What was so special about Ben Moreau anyway? Why had they ordered her to spy on a young man who seemed no more important than their very own postman? She didn't have a clue, but as she very well knew, it wasn't her job to ask questions. So, she didn't ask any.

Angel had tried so hard to think of the whole thing as it was; her assignment, her job, her duty, but the as time slowly went by, she had started to forget it. After all, it was hard to think like a soldier when she was trying to live a normal life like a normal human being at the same time. Normal, humanly situations, conversations and feelings 24/7… it had to take its toll.

Behind closed eyelids, she could more than easily see her baby boy's figure in front of her and a little smile reached her lips. The normal life, a baby and the fact that she had some sort of "family" to support her were like a dream come true. It wasn't just a chance to taste the different kind of life, but a breathing space between her and Manticore, too. The problem was that now that space had literally become the air she was breathing. At first she had been so sure about her abilities to conclude the job but lately doubts saying otherwise had crawled into her mind uninvited.

Fuck it. Who was she kidding? She couldn't do it anymore. Failing had suddenly become an option. And just then she realized that it had been the thing bothering her for so many weeks... _I failed._

"Hey", someone said softly from behind her. She was startled by the interruption for she hadn't paid attention to her surroundings. Seemed that letting her guard down was her bad habit. Angel pulled her forehead away from the window but didn't turn around. Instead she only stared at the reflection of Ben on its surface.

"Hey", she answered with a soft, sad tone of voice after gathering herself up and turned her head t0 see him better. Immediately her eyes met comforting eyes and suddenly Angel didn't know what to say. Ben rested against the doorframe arms crossed, one leg in front of the other. "So what are you thinking here in the dark, all alone?" He asked tilting his head to one side, smiling. Not getting up and throwing herself into his arms was probably one of the most difficult things she had ever faced. Even giving up on smoking hadn't been that painful. Being super-soldier didn't cover up for everything unlike one could've assumed.

"Nothing much." She sounded calm, but there was a storm tearing her insides apart.

"Really? You looked like you were thousands of miles away from this place I like to call Earth."

Exactly so. Angel tried to smile. "Well, maybe I was lost in my thoughts for a second there. Ya know me, always thinking, always worrying", she replied and only now the smile met her lips. Ben gave a short laugh shaking his head a little. "Yeah, I know ya, baby. Just don't worry too much, okay? Nothin' bad is gonna happen to us, you just gotta believe that", he said as he took a step closer. Slowly he walked to her putting his hand onto her shoulder and squeezed it gently. Angel responded to the touch by lifting her own hand on his breathing in his scent with closed eyes.

If only could she have warned him… tell him what would most likely happen… "You can't be sure 'bout that, Ben", she said sounding like she'd known exactly what she was talking about even though it was exactly the opposite. The only thing she really knew for sure was that her; _their_ normal life wasn't going to last forever. "Something always happens. Haven't ya learnt that already?"

"You know there's no point in worrying 'bout the future when it'll only fuck things up. It's gonna come anyway. All you need to focus on is the present."

"Ya mean like who wants to live today if he knows that he is gonna die tomorrow?" She questioned. To her that kind of logic was completely faulty.

"Yeah, exactly. What is meant to happen, happens Angel. So why worry?"

Why the hell not? Foretelling your future had some good sides too, at least as far as she could tell. "You could prevent something from happening if you knew it's about to happen, right?"

He frowned, confused. "Okay, that's it... What the hell is with ya, baby? You do know that you don't sound like yourself, Angel. The way ya talk – are ya alright?"

"Always." She looked down only to hide the tears.

Yeah right - Ben wasn't too sure about that. Angel was such a fascinating little creature… He couldn't take his eyes off her now – not now that she looked so beautiful, so fragile; like a little thunderstorm could've easily broken her down. And still she tried. Tried to be strong to get it done with. She always tried to hide her weaknesses from him but he knew better. Truth be told, there was nothing he wouldn't have done to protect her from the pain she was feeling right now, but there were some things even he couldn't do. And now, even the thought of what he had to do next was killing him inside. Slowly eating him.

But the job was almost done. It was halfway done now and she - she had failed. Ben didn't want to hurt her, but it was the only thing he could do to save her life; not to mention his own. Not that he really cared that much about what was going to happen to him.

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Sometimes ya have to lose something to gain something, right buddy? It was the only consolation he allowed himself to believe in. It had to be that way, had to. He couldn't live with the thought of everything he had done being in vain… everything she had been forced to do.

"Are ya ever gonna tell me? You've been acting weird for weeks, and I've been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with ya. So tell me, what's wrong?" He asked getting back from his thoughts… Why had he asked her to tell what was wrong, when he knew more than well what it was. She probably didn't know it yet, but she felt the danger too.

"It's just", she started tightening her grip of his hand, "ya know, I'm just – I mean having a baby and all – mothers are always depressed after labor. I think."

It was a good try, he had to give her that. So good in fact, that it brought a vague smile on his lips. "You think, huh? Fine, I guess I have no other choice but to take your word on that, Angel. So I think I can live with that but please, do this one thing for me."

She glanced up suspiciously. "What is it?"

"Go to bed already." Affectionately he petted her hair before wiping a lock of hair off her forehead. "You're gonna catch a cold in here", Ben continued grabbing her shoulders with both hands, lifted her up from the window seat to her feet and pulled her against him, running his hand through her almost black hair. She looked up into his deep green eyes trying to smile but it was more like a grimace than a smile.

Gods, those eyes sure had a strange effect on her; every single reasonable thought her brain had been tossing around, disappeared from her head when ever she saw his eyes.

They said being in love was the greatest feeling on earth. Somehow she disagreed… So far it had brought nothing but a great deal of pain and that was it. Whenever there was a reason to celebrate… something took it away from them. Angel pressed her cheek against his chest only to hide herself from his eyes. To keep her from drowning into them… Damn, that kind of behavior had to stop!

Angel felt Ben's arms wrapping around her body pulling her into a real hug. The only thing he wanted was to show her he wasn't going anywhere. In a way of course, that was a big fat lie, but he didn't care. If the lies were able to erase the pain for awhile it was well worth it. _What she don't know can't hurt her, right?_ It was a good philosophy to live by; definitely better than his old ones. If she'd known his part of the play – it would have destroyed her for good… and before that, she'd destroy him for good. Getting killed by her didn't sound that tempting, especially when he knew all the different ways she had been taught to take a life.

Suddenly Angel pulled away from Ben and looked straight into his eyes. "Let's go to a walk."

Let's what? Ben raised his eyebrow with a question in his eyes. "It's raining", he stated carefully. Angel shrugged her shoulders indifferently and dropped her arms down to her sides. "So what? I'm not made of sugar. Are you? It's not like we're gonna leave Mike alone if that's what's bothering you. Of course not! We'll call Val."

No it wasn't that. He just didn't want to leave their house's comfy safety knowing it could be the last time he got to experience it. "It's kinda late."

Sure it was, but she wasn't going to give up. "Come on, I'm sure that she can look after him for a couple of hours. Come on, whad-da-ya say?" Usually the puppy-eyed-look worked wonders…

"Well…"

Oh there it was. It still worked, huh? "Ben please, I really want to get out of here. I need this, baby. I really need this."

Really, she wasn't lying. She didn't care if it rained; she wouldn't have cared if it had madly stormed outside, she just needed to get out. Needed to go some place, any place. She really needed it. It was like all the walls were closing in on her… crashing down on to her neck with deadly force. No matter how strong she physically was, the tricks her mind kept performing were the ones she couldn't handle.

Examining look brushed over her. "Yeah, maybe ya do. I mean you really look like ya could use a little break."

Angel straightened his coat's collar with amused smile on her lips. He always had a way to break the tension, didn't he? "You really know what to say to a lady, don't ya?"

"Yeah, what can I say?" She both saw and felt him shrug, "I've always been good with females."

"Yeah, they probably keep throwing themselves against ya", she gave a laugh. One that wasn't faked.

"Yeah, it's a serious problem – I know", he said with a sigh. It always felt good to make Angel smile like that. "Anyway", he continued taking his cell phone out of his pocket. "I'll ask if she can baby-sit him for the night and you go make yourself ready."

Sounded good to Angel. "Fine by me", she said and gave him a quick kiss on the lips before exiting the room. If only had she known how to manipulate life like that, too.

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	3. About to get Heavy

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Chapter three: About to get heavy

For the longest time Angel just stared the mirror without really seeing anything. Minute after minute she stood there, in the middle of their small bathroom, leaning against the sink with both her hands trying to gather up all the broken pieces of her thoughts without success.

_You can do this, Angel_, she kept repeating the thought in her mind, but no matter how many times she said it, she didn't believe it… But still, she had always been good at lying, especially when it came to lying to herself. It was more than easy actually.

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You can do this cause ya have to do this. There's no other way, no other choice, ya know it. I can complete the mission. I can do this.

She tried to think of something other than her life back at Manticore, but it was hard with all those memories racing through her head. When had everything gotten so complicated? For the first time in her life, Angel wasn't so sure about what was waiting her back there. A couple days ago she had suddenly began to realise how unhappy she had been in Manticore, without a life of her own and now there was no way out. It didn't really matter what she did, she'd still end up into the same position she'd already been in. Back to her little cell.

The crying had stopped; Angel realised it as she heard Ben's foot steps coming closer. "Are you OK?" She heard the question but was unable to bring herself to answer right away. "What's keeping you so long?" Ben knocked the door impatiently, making her glance over her shoulder to look at it. He was more than worried about her, she had been in there over twenty minutes and not even a sound had reached his ears. She hadn't gotten a seizure, had she? _No,_ he abandoned the thought instantly. If that had been the case, he definitely would've had heard something.

_Is she beginning to suspect something?_

"Did Val come already?" The question snapped him back to reality. What? Oh, right. "Just came", Ben replied sighing, while trying to sound as normal as he could… It never ceased to amaze him how easy it in the end was to lie to someone you loved. "Look, honey, if we're gonna go somewhere, now would be the time. It stopped raining for a moment. So you coming or not?"

"Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming", Angel finally answered and slowly opened the door a few inches, enough for her to slide through into the hall. "Let's beat it then, right?"

"That was the idea."

Unable to recognise the feeling in the pit of her stomach, Angel followed him to the little living-room where Val had already made herself comfortable. She was reading an old magazine sitting on this thing Ben liked to call his precious sofa. To Angel though, it looked more like a rotten bunch of blankets and pillows that had been tried to glue together. When Val heard them coming, she turned around on the sofa to see them better and pulled her legs under her. The smile Val had on her face when they stepped into the room was so wide and so warm that for a moment Angel forgot that she was supposed to be feeling down. She responded to her smile with equally wide, only her smile had more sadder theme.

"Hey, A. How's my girl doin'?" Val asked immediately. It'd been at least few weeks since they had met last time… things had been rather hectic around the city. "The same as always, Val, the same as always. And you?"

"Me?" She shrugged, "Nothin' new."

"Too bad. Listen, I really appreciate you coming over this late." It was already over 10pm, not the smartest time to take a walk in chaotic city where people just drifted from one direction to another. With the pulse things had taken a bad turn and it looked like the world just wasn't ready to overcome it.

"No problem, girl, ya know I love that brat even though he is too much like his daddy", Val teased Ben with raised eyebrows. She always had this little thing going on with him, but Angel didn't mind. They were just fooling around, having fun and so on. Teasing each other because it was what they were best at. And occasionally it truly was hilarious to listen to.

"Funny", Ben said letting a quick smile reach his lips for a second and grabbed Angel's hand, holding it in his. This time he didn't reply to Val's remark in that cocky way of his, which seemed pretty weird to Angel. She frowned. _What's going on here?_ He never gave up that quickly.

"So, ya ok here?" Ben questioned one more time and Val nodded with her who-do-ya-think-you're-talking-to- smile. Well, it was a pretty stupid question to ask. Val was a tough chick; she'd handle anything. "See boy, I've done this before as ya know, so go – you two lovebirds just fly away. We'll be fine here, really. Tell him, girl."

As said. "She's right Ben. This is one of those things that even I don't worry about", Angel backed her up without looking at him. Instead she stepped closer to Val and leaned down to kiss her forehead quickly. Part of her felt guilty for summoning her there only to babysit when there were millions of things she would've wanted to share with her. Maybe later. "Thanks, girl." Angel gave her a grateful smile.

"Always", Val answered before Ben helped Angel with her jacket. Time to go. "See ya soon." After saying that she followed him out of the apartment to the hallway.

When they finally got out of the front door, Angel stopped. The air was so refreshing after the rain that she had to take a couple of deep breaths just to feel the air inside her. Heaven on earth.

She didn't see them but as they walked down the street, Ben sure did. Across he street, there was an old looking van parked which he had seen so many times before. From outside it didn't seem so dangerous but the unit inside was more than dangerous. Not only that, but they were also ready and willing to follow the orders - _his_ orders. Without Angel noticing Ben gave a slight nod to a woman sitting behind the wheel. She responded by nodding as well and turned to signal something to the unit waiting in the back of the van.

_Here we go._

"So, where're we going?" Ben asked drawing his eyes back to Angel. She looked pensive for a moment as if she had been pondering upon some big issue. "I don't know", she replied finally with a shrug and smiled. "To somewhere I can get a drink, I guess."

Get a drink?

Unknowingly she answered his silent question. "I'm planning to get totally wasted."

"Oh. Okay then." He sure as hell wasn't going to stop her. In a situation like this even he felt like pouring a drink down to his throat. Any drink.

For a while they walked in silence… but it was too much for him. Being so close to her, smelling the scent of he shampoo… "It's a beautiful night", Ben started trying to get her to talk, but when he didn't get any reply from her, he stopped walking. Angel didn't notice it for she was too deep in her thoughts and so she just kept walking.

"Angel? Angel?" Ben's voice interrupted her thinking and got her to turn around. "You stopped? Why did ya stop?"

"This is exactly what I meant earlier, Angel. You just totally space out every time I try to talk to you… or with you. Have I done something?" he asked. Well, he had to find out if it was just him or if she suspected something. God he hope she didn't.

"'Cause if I have, you need to tell me…"

"No, it's not you, Ben. It's me… God, I hate that line. But really, it's me. I'm just going through these emotions - my life has totally changed and I need to think about it." Naturally, she wasn't lying. She just wasn't telling everything. Big difference.

"You know you're not the only one whose life has changed, Angel. You're not alone in here." It felt wrong to talk about it, but he had no choice. "I'm alone even when I'm _with_ you. You know what I mean?"

Yes, she knew.

"You just keep pushing me away - when I take two steps forward you step back four. This is not normal!"

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Normal? Nothing in my life is normal, Ben. The words almost slipped out, but she managed to catch them before they did. Emotions definitely sucked.

"You can't keep doing this to me. I love you." It was the only thing she hadn't wanted to hear. Couldn't hear. He had to tell it before it was too late, although he knew that it was only going to make her pull back into her little shell again. She always did. But he knew why the thing between them was so damned complicated. It wasn't her fault and he didn't blame her, but she did. He just wanted her to open up to him so that maybe, maybe things could've worked out. But as he remembered the van in front of their home, he knew it to be impossible. The illusion was about to be broken.

_Game over._

"We have to get back. It's getting cold - And I - I'm tired - And Val – she needs to get back to her home - This wasn't a good idea."

Yeah, like he had predicted. "See, you're stepping backwards again. It wasn't like this before."

Nothing was like this before. "Things were different then."

"What things?" Well he had to ask so that she wouldn't suspect anything, right?

Of course, she wasn't going to break the rules completely and spill it out. "I'm sorry, Ben. I really am. I can't tell you without putting you in danger. I can't 'cause I don't even know for myself what's messing my head. Maybe I really am a total pessimist."

And for a good reason. "Don't be. Things were so good back then."

"I know - Let's just get back, okay? We have to talk but - it's gonna start raining again."

They had to talk, she said. Only he was more than sure they'd never get that talk. "I thought you weren't made of sugar." There had to be a way to get her stay, he didn't want to go back yet. Few more minutes with her, it was all he wanted.

"Well, I changed my mind. Now I am."

Here he had thought she'd get rid of her mood changes with the labour, but no. "Convenient", he replied glancing at her, "I changed my mind too. We're going for that drink you mentioned. Now I feel like I'm in need of that."

* * *

"734 reporting, sir."

"Let's hear it, 734. But give me the short version."

"Yes sir. We're ready to proceed."

"What's the problem then?"

"Just waiting for you to verify the next move, sir."

"You are? Already? Did 493 give you a signal?"

"Yes he did, sir."

"Good boy. I see – Fine, very well then, carry on, 734. You have permission to proceed."

"Yes sir."

"And remember, nothing and I mean _nothing _is allowed to go wrong on this one – and if it does, I'll hold you responsible for it and that means sending you and your whole unit into psy-ops for a lot longer than six months, understood, soldier?"

"Positive, sir. Nothing is to go wrong, you can count on me, sir."

"I hope so, for your sake, 734. Report to the headquarters immediately after the mission is accomplished."

"Yes, sir!"


	4. With her Luck

Chapter four: With her Luck

"Are ya gonna carry me all the way home?" Angel giggled and wrapped her arms even tighter around Ben's neck running her fingers through his neckhair teasing him, trying to get some sort of reaction out of him. Then, without a warning she started to laugh almost hysterically which she hadn't done for a long time. Ben frowned. She had definitely had one too many.

"So are ya?"

"What?"

"Carry me all the way home?" she repeated. "I feel like we're getting married all over again."

He gave an amused laugh. "Well lady, I doubt that you can walk at all in that condition and I didn't really feel like leaving you in some bar full of gangsters for a night." Though, he suspected she could've beaten the crap out of them even then.

"Besides, even if you could walk, it'd take forever before we'd get home", he continued. Knowing Angel she would've gotten some new silly idea; seen a new bar to go to. When she got into the mood there was not many that were able to keep up with her – both literally and figuratively. Naturally, he could.

"Oh, my knight in shining armor, aren't ya?" Angel sighed sounding dramatic. "This must be a dream come true."

"Must be", Ben said smiling sadly.

It was kind of funny to see Angel drunk which was highly unlike of her. Being a loving husband, he of course had tried to stop her from drinking all of those shots of scotch. Although this time he hadn't been too bossy 'bout that. Honestly, he hadn't been bossy at all. He couldn't help but think that when she was more than slightly drunk, it made the whole thing a little easier for him. _And hopefully for her as well. _Alcohol killed pain, for a moment anyway. And moment was all he needed.

Besides, even if he had wanted to keep her from drinking, there wasn't much he could've done to stop her. Angel was as stubborn as a bull. She had always been like that; loving and caring but also wild and impulsive. She always did exactly what she wanted to and nothing that he or anybody else said made any difference. What she wanted, she usually took - simple as that. It would all change again. They'd force it to change.

"I'm totally wasted!"

"Stating the obvious, honey."

"Get outta here!" she joked, but then her voice all the sudden changed completely, like she was mad at him for a reason he didn't know.

"You son of a bitch!" She screamed. What the hell? Had he done something again? "Don't you even think about taking advantage of me being drunk, cause it ain't happening, pretty boy. My man will totally kick your ass!"

Oh, she'd been watching TV again. "Your man? Ya ok Angel?"

"Almost perfect." But just almost. "Why? Oh – ya don't mean that little thing I just said, do ya?" She giggled again sounding like a drunken teenager. Well she was drunk, wasn't she?

"Well that crossed my mind, yeah."

"Oh. Well, it was something I have always wanted to say and now I have, thanks to you. I saw it in this movie once – somehow can't remember which one right now."

"I wonder why."

"But it was like really funny. I mean, I laughed my head off!" she kept rambling like she hadn't heard his remark. Well, probably hadn't. Angel was skilled with ignoring things she didn't want to know about.

Truthfully, she had ignored it only because she really hadn't paid any attention to it. She had been thinking how much she liked it - that feeling. She absolutely loved it! Everything in her head was spinning around wildly, almost like there was no end near and thinking about Manticore didn't cause any kind of pain which was new to her. She felt – as she had said – almost perfect. For the first time in weeks, her life was smiling again and she was almost happy.

For all night she had been thinking whether to tell Ben what she was or not. She finally ended up with a strict no. What on earth could she possibly say to him?

__

Honey, I'm really sorry but I have to tell ya something. I was wondering if I have ever mentioned that I'm a gene manipulated human weapon, who is actually on a mission right about now, spying on ya, of course. Hope that doesn't change anything between us. Does it? Well ya know, girl's gotta do what girl's gotta do.

"Ya think you can stand for a while on your own two without falling on your ass, baby?" Ben asked highly doubting it. Angel was force to snap back to the present and she notice they had arrived at the front door of their apartment. All she wanted was to take a warm bath and forget everything.

"Well of course", she said starting to laugh again. Ben gave her a questioning look. "Ya sure?"

__

Honey, I'm an X5; yes I'm sure. "I'm sure!"

"Okay", he shrugged and dropped her gently down onto her own two feet. At the same time that he took his hand off her back to look for his keys, she fell against the door with a loud thud that probably woke up the whole building. "Shit", he cursed wrapping his arms around her waist just when she was about to fall onto her knees.

"Oops?"

"Exactly what I'd have said."

Somehow he managed to keep her up and open the door with one hand… but trying to get them both inside at the same time without waking up the whole neighbourhood was the hard part. When he finally managed to get them both in and shut the door by kicking it gently, he threw the keys onto the nearest table next to the door while glancing around the hall. For some reason he didn't put the lights on, like he would've wanted a status report first. There were no signs of danger anywhere, which made him only more suspicious.

__

Where the hell are you guys? He wanted it to be over quickly.

"You can let go already, I'm totally fine-"

The sound of a breaking window interrupted her sentence getting their full-attention.

__

Oh my God, what was that? The boost she'd been drinking seemed to vanish from her head in no time. Unfortunately it didn't have the same healing effect on her body - more like the opposite.

They heard another noise but they still didn't make a move. Never expose your position to the enemy - they had both learned that in the very beginning of their lives. They both just focused on trying to locate from where exactly had the voice come. The Manticore inside of her woke up making all sense of fear within her head disappear.

Ben heard them, knowing that they were in the house, in the basement to be exact; but the alcohol was still keeping her senses down so she couldn't hear the scratching noise their shoes made. Ben wasn't actually sure if that was a bad thing or not but it really wasn't the first subject he needed to be worrying about. _This is it._

Then Angel suddenly straightened herself to her full height, clenching her fists, throwing a worried look at him. In unison they both backed a couple of steps towards the front door, scanning the space around them making sure no enemies were waiting in the shadows of the room. Now he knew for sure that she heard them, but before either one of them had time to do or even think of doing anything else, four dark figures approached them from the living-room's darkness guns pointed at them. Angel couldn't see their faces due to black commando masks that they had pulled over their heads, protecting their identities. One of them came closer than the others, so obviously Angel assumed him to be the leader.

"I wouldn't move if I were you."

A wave of shock wiped over her and she couldn't help but gasp out of anger as she heard the cold voice of female's. She observed the figure in front of her eyes and rage started to bubble beneath her skin as she realised the truth. Hell yeah, she was a woman! Some bitch had just barged into her house? Angel narrowed her eyes threateningly. Soon she would show her who the real boss of the house was but not until the right moment had come up.

Never attack under pressure.

"What the fuck are ya doin' here?" Ben said with a deep voice which was filled with anger after he recovered from the shock that seeing her there had caused. Of course the shock was half faked.

"And I sure would like to know, who the hell you are." Angel questioned right away. "That doesn't concern you", the cold voice replied.

At that point Angel was ready to bitchslap the stranger. "You're in my house, bitch, of course it concerns me!"

The stranger sighed. "Look lady, we can do this the easy way or the not-so-pleasant-way. Personally I prefer the latter but it's your call. Do we understand each other?"

Silence.

"I take that as a yes." She turned to look at her crime mates. "You, Delta, go upstairs. See if there's anything what we could use. You, Alpha, go check the backyard. And you Kappa, you know what to do. So do it!" she gave orders to them which they followed with no arguments.

Oh please. "Delta, alpha and Kappa – how original. Don' tell me that you're omega."

"Actually I am."

"Oh." Angel shrugged. If the burgles lacked in imagination it wasn't her problem. The guns, now those were her problem.

If the moment hadn't been the kind it was, Ben would've laughed. Angel tried to use everything she had

ever learnt but 734 knew all the tricks. Trying to confuse the enemy, trying to unbalance her attention, trying to make her pissed – it all was a part of Angel's plan but 734 was too smart to fall for it. They had had the same training, after all.

__

Who are they? What do they want from us? Angel couldn't figure it out. She looked at Ben trying to signal him to be ready for what was about to happen next but she couldn't do much because of "Omega's" intense stare.

What happened next seemed to surprise not only Angel and Ben, but their enemy too. It was screaming.

Val's screaming, Angel realised and when she heard a sound of a gun being fired she lost control of herself. The shot had gotten the lady in black to look over her shoulder which was of course a big mistake. That exact moment was just the kind of Angel had been waiting for and within a nanosecond Angel moved towards her wiping her legs under her with her own feet. She fell down onto her back cursing out loud. Angel grabbed the gun from her hands when she fell and pointed it towards 734 looking at Ben at the same time.

They didn't talk and at first Angel didn't even move. It seemed like she'd needed a minute to straighten up her thoughts.

Ben gave an angry look to the soldier lying on the ground. He knew that 734 hadn't fought - _well, if I can call that horrible fall act a fight _ - with all her strength 'cause if she had, Angel would have been dead already but this wasn't the way they had planned it. The truth be told, he didn't mind her getting knocked out 'cause he knew too well that Angel really didn't stand a change against her even though she thought she would. She, 734 was not only one of the best marshal arts specialists but the best assassin Manticore had ever trained… but of course, Angel didn't know it. How could she have? The information had been kept from her for years.

Angel didn't have the time to think about it though. Actually, all she could think about at the moment was Val.

__

Oh my God. Michael?

The fact that their home was under an attack, meant nothing to her now. _Where is Michael? Where's Val?_ They were the last thoughts in her mind before she lost consciousness.


	5. In the Private Cell

Chapter five: in the Private Cell

__

Where am I?

Her head hurt like hell and at first she didn't know whether to open her eyes or not. She wasn't sure how ready she'd be to deal with the reality that with no doubt hated her more than ever.

__

Where the fuck am I?

Well, it wasn't going anywhere if she kept her eyes closed, now was it? Still, she didn't dare to open them yet.

She had hard time trying to figure out what had happened to her. Everything was behind this thick foggy which probably had something to do with all those drinks she had had yesterday. Yes, she remembered that they had gone to a bar but everything after that… nothing so far.

Angel opened her eyes slowly shading her face from the bright light that hit painfully against her face. She blinked few times to accustom them to the light and when she saw clearly, she immediately realised where she was.

In her own little private cell back in Manticore.

Why the hell was she there? Angel sat up quickly wrapping her arms around her knees and pressed her chin against them. Without noticing it, she rocked her body back and forth, back and forth, again and again…

This could only mean one thing. _Mission accomplished._

Piece by piece memories of what had happened reached her mind again. "Oh my God", she gasped out loud. _No…_ Had it really happen? The woman, the screaming, the –

__

What did they do to Val? What did they do to Michael? Is he aright? And Ben? What about Ben? Oh gods..

Angel shook her head trying to retain the control over her emotions. _Think straight_, she commanded herself. Demanded herself to feel like a soldier should, but it wasn't easy. _Do NOT let your emotions take control of you, 453. Mission accomplished, that's it. Get over it, soldier!_

… How could she ever get over it?

Angel jumped up from the bunk when the door all the sudden opened slowly. She held her breath waiting to see what was going to happen next, but when Ben suddenly was pushed into the room by two guards a gasp escaped between her teeth.

She heard how the lock clicked into its place as the door slammed shut behind him.

How… "Ben?"

It couldn't be him. It couldn't be Ben that stood in front of her and looked at her eyes full of – full of pain?

He didn't make a move to get closer to her; just stared at her waiting for her to say something. Anything.

"Ben?" She whispered again, only this time with a bit stronger voice. Was it really Ben standing there wearing Manticore's uniform and staring at her hands behind his back looking like he didn't know what to say.

"How? I mean you can't be here." Was she talking to a… ghost? Of course not. She didn't believe in that crap, remember?

"Well I am", he replied finally and as soon as she heard his voice she let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding. Before Ben could say anything else or she even had the time to think clearly, she stepped forward and almost flew right into his arms. The smell sure was Ben's, she noticed with a wistful smile.

"Are you alright?" Ben asked after awhile lifting her chin up to look at her eyes. He ran his fingers down the line of her cheek feeling a little bit better now that he could touch her; feel her near – see that she was still alive. Even the fact that he felt her not-so-good-alcohol-morning-breath against his face felt great. She was okay.

"Alright? You think I'm alright? Ben tell me, what happened? Why are we here? Why are you here? Did they hurt you?"

Did they hurt me? Yes, Angel they did. They killed me. Us. Ripped my beating heart out of my chest and stepped on it.

"I'm fine, Angel. I'm fine."

Was he? Something didn't feel right. "Why are you here?" Angel had to ask… She had to know. "I – I need to tell you something"

It didn't sound promising… "What?"

"I don't wanna tell it to you like this – not now. But you have to know."

"Know what?" What the hell was he talking about? Angel frowned. The tone of his voice was seriously starting to freak her out. Did she really want to hear what he had to say? For obvious reasons she suspected the worst… he was wearing the same kind of uniform as she was, after all…

"See, the gang that we so called met – they robbed us last night. They got in by breaking a couple of windows in the basement and they – they…" The end of this sentence faded into silence.

"Spit it out!"

"They killed Val, Angel. And they killed Mike. They killed him. Those bastards killed our baby, Angel."

Air from her lungs vanished without a trace. _No, no, no, no, no! It's not true!_ Angel shook her head refusing to believe his words and took a deep breath to swallow the burning tears climbing up her throat.

"He's dead, Angel", he repeated.

"No-"

"Yes."

One look into his eyes told it to be true.

How had this happened? No, he wasn't… her baby boy was… was dead and there was nothing she could do to change it. Angel backed off and fell down onto the bunk without saying a word. Nothing can be

"And there's something else you should know about me in case you haven't already figured it out."

No. Whatever it was, she didn't want to hear it. Not now. He ignored her pained expression and continued, "Angel see, I'm… I'm.. an X5 like.. like you", Ben said tangling with his words. It felt like his air was suddenly running out. He had never believed that anything could turn out to be so hard. Of course, before he had met Angel… before he had fell in love with her, he hadn't believed any woman could have such a strong effect on him that she sure had. There had been one that had truly touched his soul… but this woman had given birth to his child, after all. Big brown eyes staring at him, telling him that she was about to break in any minute made him feel sick. Sick of feeling unneeded. He clearly saw how she was fighting with herself and it was both mentally and physically painful for him to watch her struggle and be unable to help her. There was nothing he could have done or said to make it all better – to make it go away.

No one could do that anymore.

Still, he tried to make an eye contact with her to find out what she was thinking but her eyes met his no more. She just stared an empty space somewhere behind him, refusing to return to him. "Angel, say something, please honey." Ben's voice was desperate, appealing. He didn't want to see her suffer like that.

Understanding that was probably what made the girl speak again. "I don't understand", she said with shivering voice. "You – you don't have a barcode. You can't be an X5. This is some sick joke. This isn't happening. This isn't Goddamn happening!"

How naive she was… How innocent. By just looking at her it was impossible for a stranger to tell she was a soldier that had killed with bare hands. To someone who didn't know her, she looked like an innocent young woman and nothing more. "There's a simple explanation to that, Angel. I do have a barcode, you just wasn't able to see it, that's all. They removed it with a laser… and what comes to this being a joke", he swallowed to calm down, "– well, do you see me laughing, Angel, do you?"

She didn't answer.

"They trained you." Why did he tell her this? He wasn't sure. "I know I'm not supposed to tell you this, Angel, but they trained you by using me. But I never lied to you about anything else… just what I am."

Her whole life, even the part she had always trusted to be real, was a set-up. "There is no Ben Moreau, is there? Who the fuck are you then?" Angel demanded to know. Emotions that she had tried to ignore were now messing around in her head making it all even more confusing than it already was. Ben shook his head rubbing his neck almost angrily. "You're wrong, baby. Yes there is Ben. I am Ben, that hasn't changed."

"Hell it isn't! You aren't Ben Moreau! You're – you're a Manticore!" She spat with narrowed eyes. "State your designation, soldier."

__

Please no… "Don't do this Angel-"

"State your designation!" She repeated the command with even louder voice.

"Angel, please." His begging was heard by deaf ears. "State your Goddamn designation!"

It was the anger that made him give up. "X5-493, ma'am!"

No… she must have heard wrong… Angel frowned in confusion. "493?"

"Yes. Are you happy now?"

She couldn't breathe and she felt herself little dizzy… Not only had they stolen her life… but they… _ 493_ – She knew him, she knew that designation; she knew it better than well but not even once had she seen a picture of him. He was one of those traitors she disliked so deeply. How was this possible? He was the one who had run away not only once, but twice. Rumors said that he was the one who had lost his mind out there and started killing people… that he had played a human-hunt before _they _had fixed him up again. She had heard about him but it couldn't be Ben. Not his Ben.

__

He's not your Ben!

Angel buried her face into her hands, but as hard as she tried, it didn't hide her from him. "…And Michael?"

He couldn't go through it… not again. "I – well, I brought you here-"

"I didn't ask that, did I 493?"

__

No, of course you didn't. I just wished you had. "I thought you couldn't handle it."

"Handle what exactly?" Her voice was like poison. Deadly – murderous. "That situation. I thought I could take them out by myself. As I did."

Oh great, her skills never counted. "So you kinda knocked me out of the game, didn't you?"

"I knew to be prepared, you didn't. .. I just wanted to keep you from seeing it in case they were… Val and Mike…" He paused to gather himself up, "And I was right even though I sure didn't want to be." Why the hell did he bother explaining? Angel sure as hell wouldn't understand because of one simple reason: she didn't want to understand.

What she wanted was to die. More than anything – just die. Disappear in front of his eyes, vanish into the thin air. "Go away", Angel whispered knowing he couldn't do as she told. Staring her feet she let the tears silently run down he face not even trying to wipe them off.

"Can't", he noted. "Go! Away!" She demanded jumping up and this time her voice was a bit louder. A lot louder actually. Suddenly she had become the soldier she used to be – the one she had to be to survive.

"If you haven't noticed, there are two bunks in here, Angel." Angel glanced around… he was right. "These guys have twisted minds and there's nothing you can do. We usually can't, you know that. We just have to deal with what they give us – so deal with it."

__

What they give us? They never gave anything. Just took everything away from them and that was it. "This is some sick joke. This is not funny… not funny…" She was crying again, only this time almost hysterically.

"You think I find it funny? Shit! I lost everything too, you know! He was my son as well and it's killing me! But as you know, in here there's no time to think about it. All we have to do, is move on."

Move on? Move on! Angel's eyes narrowed threateningly. She sure didn't want to die anymore. No, she wanted to kill him instead. So slowly that he would beg for mercy which she naturally wouldn't have given. She wanted to rip his eyes off and break every single bone in his body. Apparently they were on the same wavelength cause he stepped backwards giving her some room to breathe, some room to calm down. He wasn't up to a fight at that particular moment. Not with her anyway.

Why did she want to hurt him so badly? She wasn't sure but at that point it didn't really matter anymore, somebody had to pay for what had happened and he was the only one around…

With a speed of lightning she attacked him, but he was right there with her – and too fast for her. He grabbed both of her arms flipping her over his head and when she landed on the floor behind him, he turned quickly and knocked her down on her back. But before she fell, she managed to grab the sleeve of his T-shirts' and they both fell down; he landing directly on top of her. Angel whimpered when her back slammed against the cold stone floor, but she didn't let that hold her for long. Instead, she tried to kick him wherever it was possible but without any kind of success. The only thing she managed to do was kick of her shoe. She didn't see it happening before Ben had already turned her around so that she was lying on her stomach, Ben sitting on top of her, pressing her harder against the floor with his knee.

"You can't win this game, Angel. You just can't win", he said and meant every word. "– I've been through so many hours of training… and you haven't so there's no chance in hell for you to beat me. You don't have to make this any harder than it already is, Angel."

Oh she didn't? _Actually I do. _ "What do you know about anything?"

"Look into a fucking mirror, Angel", he growled into her ear, "You ain't better than me. Aren't you forgetting something here, my love? I was following my orders just like you were following yours, you hear me? You think I didn't know? You think that it was easy for me when I knew all along that you were on a mission? You screwed me too, Angel, so you have no rights to do this to me. You're as guilty as I am."

He unreleased her which only made her push him off her with a violent gesture. She got up quickly and Ben did the same, but with no rush included.

It was horrifying to realise how right he was… _He's right. I did that to him._ She had lied to him as well, so everything that Ben had just said was right. He had followed his orders just like she had followed hers. It wasn't his fault that Michael was dead now was it?

__

No, maybe it isn't… But it is his fault that I'm here again.

"I want my life back. I want him back", she broke into tears, sobbing and didn't even try to hide it. "I know it baby, I know", Ben said as he reached towards her and pushed the runaway lock of hair back behind her ear as always. "I want him back too, baby, I really do." Angel sniffed. "But that's not gonna happen", he continued pulling her near… pulling her into a comforting hug. Softly he lifted her chin up and kissed her salty lips to let her know that she wasn't alone.

To let himself know, that he wasn't alone either.


	6. x5452

_A/N: Thanks for BS and F ;) They are probably the only ones who have been kicking my ass cause of this story. No worries, I have this story rewritten till chappie 10, I've just been REALLY lazy when it comes to posting them. I'll try to get them up as soon as possible and continue rewriting __J___

* * *

**Chapter six: X5- 452**

Left kick! Good, very good, soldier. I see you learn fast and your reflexes seem to be in good condition. Right hit, left kick! Right hit! Again! Move faster, 453, faster I said!" female director screamed orders to Angel who was doing reflex exercises in a big training room underground. She had been there all day already and she was a bit tired but yet kick after kick and hit after hit she followed the orders she received. She hadn't done even a single mistake during that practice and she wasn't about to do it now! All she had to do was focus and that was easy. All those days in psy-ops had "helped" her to get into the point she was now. She was calmer and more receptive though she was still under work, unfinished version as the doctors called her.  
  
"You can call it off today. I think she have proven her abilities already", a familiar voice said in her left making Angel to stop exercising. Her entire body tensed as she heard some one coming closer. Him coming closer. Finally he stopped in front of her and Angel saluted. "X5-453 reporting to duty, sir!"  
  
"At ease soldiers You -" Colonel Lydecker, her superior said with his deep voice pointing his finger down to the woman next to them. "I want to change couple words with 453 here - alone so go make yourself useful and check your unit", he continued nodding towards the door.  
  
"Yes sir!" Angel watched her going and as soon as she was gone she felt insecure. She like so many others was afraid of Lydecker, always had been. Some one always got hurt when he was nearby that was a fact and she couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen this time.  
  
"I have news for you my dear", Lydecker said softly like he would have been speaking to his own daughter which Angel of course was not. She didn't reply in any way just waited him to say something else. She wasn't sure was she expected to say something or not?  
  
*Why doesn't he speak? Am I supposed to say something?*  
  
"Don't you want to know, 453?" Lydecker asked when he didn't get any respond. "Of course, sir", she lied. "Well then, come with me, 453. I have something you may find pretty interesting."  
  
*I pretty much doubt that*, Angel thought but didn't let her feelings to bee seen from the outside. "Follow me, 453."  
  
Angel did as she was told as usual and followed Lydecker through the dark hallway eyes front. He didn't speak at all and it was more than fine to her. Even his voice crept her back. It was like Lydecker once again had read her mind because all of a sudden he started to speak again.  
  
"I want you to remember that I'm not the enemy, 453. It may seem like that to you but I'm not. You'll find it out soon - I hope."  
  
"I didn't say anything, sir."  
  
"No, but your eyes sure did. One look into your eyes 453 and I know exactly how you feel and exactly what you think. That's going get you into trouble someday, so you should learn to cover up your emotions better, 453."  
  
"I'll do that, sir."  
  
"I'm truly sorry for you feeling the way you do because she - Renfro I mean, is the enemy not me. She even tried to put me in jail - well, that's a whole different story to which I don't now have the time right now." He had had a weird tone in his voice as she looked at her and Angel frowned. Had she just seen a flash of the real Lydecker within him?  
  
"Sorry, sir but how does this have to do with me?"  
  
"Nothing I guess, 453 - I want you to meet some one."  
  
"Who, sir? I mean if I may ask, sir."  
  
"X5-452."  
  
Angel stopped like she would had run to a wall. Lydecker turned around to find out what was keeping her and when she saw her reaction he raised his eyebrows a little. "What is it, 453?" he asked in concern.  
  
452? Wasn't she the one who had escaped from Manticore? Wasn't she the one that Ben had mentioned sometimes? Wasn't she - wasn't she her twin? The one with all the good genes? The one she hated? Angel knew the right answer. Yes. 452 was exactly this person. *But how? How can they have her?*  
  
"What do you mean by that, sir?"  
  
Lydecker gave a laugh. "That we have her, of course. She has been unconscious for a long time but now she has woken up. You want to meet her, don't you?"  
  
"No, sir, actually I prefer not to. I don't want to meet her, if that's acceptable sir", Angel replied immediately. "But can I see her, sir?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why what, sir?"  
  
"Why don't you want to meet her?"  
  
"I just don't think that it' necessary, that's all sir." she lied again. *Cause I don't want that bitch into my life, that's why*, she thought angrily but this time Lydecker wasn't able to read her mind. Angel didn't know her but she didn't have to, she already hated her from the bottom of her soldier heart and speaking to 452 would only make it worse.  
  
"I see. Sure you can see her. Come on, 453, we don't got all day."  
  
Angel didn't now what to think or who to act when they got into the infirmary. The white sterile room they had come into was little and one of the walls was window, a mirror from the other side of the glass. She had been there too many times to forget hat.  
  
Angel's eyebrows raised into a question as she noticed that both of the rooms were occupied by three guards. What were they doing there? Where Manticore so afraid of her running away again?  
  
*Oh my God, there she is!* Angel drew her breath when she saw her - *No, not her." - 452 through the glass, lying in the bed. Without noticing it she backed off.  
  
"Don't worry, 453 - she can't see or hear you but we can do both."  
  
Angel glanced at Lydecker and then again her. She looked at her carefully but didn't go any closer. 452 was tied on to the bed with leather belts and her eyes gave her away - she had been crying. Automatically Angel felt sorry for her - sorry for Max, not the 452 but at the same time she felt that she got what she deserved. Feeling of pain, feeling of fear. But as she looked at 452 again she saw the soldier in her - she didn't look like she had been scared. Sad, angry, furious - yes, but not scared.  
  
"What happened to 452, sir?" Angel asked. "She was shot by X7 when she tried to escape from - from us", Lydecker answered. "How did she-" Angel was about to ask something when she heard 452 screaming out loud. *No, it's not 452 anymore. There's no 452*, she realized in confusion. "It's definitely Max who's in control now.*  
  
"You bitch! Hey, where'd ya go? Come back here! I wanna give ya piece f my mind, asshole! Come back here!"  
  
Angel watched how she struggled to release herself from the chains and even though she knew it wasn't going to work, she had the guts to try.  
  
"She's not talking to you, 453", Lydecker said to Angel with a silent sigh. He glanced both of them, first 452 then 453. Both of her girls were in there, both in a situation where neither one of them wanted to be. And it all was his fault. He shook his head without being noticed.  
  
"I know", Angel answered trying to sound normal. "But I just-"  
  
"You'll never get me!" Max yelled again. "You here me, bitch! You'll never get me or Eyes Only! I'll fight to death! Yours or mine, I don't give a shit but I'll make you pay for this - for everything! Answer me bitch! Or are you to afraid of me? Had to sent your stupid puppies here to watch me! Well they ain't keeping me here long, you hear me!" She seemed to be screaming with all the power she had in her lungs. And that was a lot!  
  
Somehow her words got Angel little scared. Max's voice was full of anger, hatred, pain - she could here it as easily she saw it in her face, as easily she felt it in her bones. And the fact that she was ready to fight to hard got Angel to think. *No. Fighting against them isn't the answer! She had definitely picked the wrong path!*  
  
"You see that she ha a big trouble with adjusting into here again but it'll change", Lydecker said after she had stopped yelling and Angel nodded to show him that she had understood. Lydecker had just given her a silent warning not to do anything stupid or she would end up exactly there were Max was. Down.  
  
"I can see that, sir. Can I go now back to my cell, sir?"  
  
"You really don't' want to meet her?" Angel shook her head for an answer. "Fine, you're dismissed, 453. You're free to go but keep in mind what you saw. You get what you ask and this is what she asked. You do no what I mean by this." Lydecker pointed at Max. "This is what you'll get if you choose not to obey, got that, 453?"  
  
Yeah she got that.


	7. Tough Choices to Make

Chapter Seven: Tough choices to make

"So, how was your day, Angel?" Ben asked immediately as she entered their cell several days later. "Don't call me that, 493. My designation is 453 as you know. If they hear you calling me like that they punish you that's for sure so you'd better be careful!" Angel said after the door behind her slammed shut. Why couldn't she get it through his thick skull? He should've known better without her telling him.

It had been days since she had seen Max for the first time, well, the only time she had seen her actually and she still hadn't told to Ben about her. Besides, Lydecker had told her not to tell and who was she to disobey his order like that? "493 is still in unstable", he had said and that was enough. She obeyed but still, not just because she was told to… there was something else. Maybe she was afraid? _For what?_ That Max would mess up things between them or what? She do wanted to tell Ben but couldn't make herself to do it. Couldn't force herself to break the news that could very well end up destroying him for good.

Angel knew it to be bad idea but still she sat down next to Ben who was lying on his bunk and took a deep, tired breath. Ben twisted his arms around her waist and drew her closer to him. She felt his breath in her back and though she knew she should get up, she didn't. Fingers caressed her back so gently that Angel could do nothing but close her eyes and enjoy it for a little while. "Come on, Angel."

Her eyes snapped open again. "Don't do that. They'll punish you!"

"For holding you close? Angel, sweetie, I think that's exactly what they want me to-"

"No, for calling me Angel, you idiot."

"I don't care", he said and sat up behind her kissing her ear and running his lips down to her neck. His touch sent shivers down to her spine and though Angel tried to ignore it, it wasn't going that well. Something inside her was tearing her apart into two different directions.

"Well, you should care", Angel said. Her voice was hardly more than a whisper and then all of a sudden she pushed him further with her elbow and got up. His touch was making her go crazy! Angel sat down to where she should've sat down to begin with - onto the bunk opposite of his while staring at him angrily.

What was wrong with him anyway? How could he act so irresponsibly? He knew what they'd do to him if they found out that he was breaking the rules. He was a soldier goddamnit and he had better start acting like one before he would get them both into a big trouble! That was the last thing either one of them needed right now!

"No I don't", he responded finally and sighed closing his eyes for a moment and rested his head against the wall running his fingers through his hair before opening them again. He looked straight at Angel hoping that she'd understand what he was going through. When he realized that she would never understand, he jumped up and hit the wall above is bunk with his fist making her startle. He couldn't turn around and face her eyes, not when all he wanted to do was throw her against the wall or at least kick her ass to make her see the truth. Where was the Angel he knew?

"I'm sick of doing what they want me to do, aren't you?" He snapped turning around and continued, "I did that mistake once and I'll be damn if I'll let it happen again, I promise you that, Angel."

"No, I don't want you to promise me that. When are you gonna get that I want you to do as they say so they don't kill you!" She paused, "…I'd hate to lose you too."

Ben looked amazed at first, but soon the amazement changed into amusement. "Well, whaddaya know? I thought my Angel was gone."

"She is gone", she said softly and got up moving closer to him. What would it take to make him see that? She grabbed his hands forcing him to look into her eyes. "I want you to promise me, you'll do as they say. Can't you get that?"

"Well I don't want to, when are you gonna get that, Angel?" He looked furious and Angel wasn't sure if he could keep his feelings under control for a lot longer. "When? See I wanna be Ben, not 493. Not some stupid mindless X5 whose orders are to kill everything on our way. And I want you to be Angel again, not some machine named 453."

"Then we seem to have a little problem here!" She spat out not being able to control her own feelings. Frankly, she didn't even want to. If Lydecker and his men were monitoring their fight through candid-cameras to study the, so be it. At that point, she couldn't have cared less. "See I **am** 453 and you can't change that even if you try! It's just not gonna happen, never!" The pain in his eyes was suffocating her ability to speak, but at the same time it gave her strength she didn't know she had within her. It was complicated beyond reason. "You can't change who you are, 493 - or who and what I am. You tried to change once didn't you?" She knew better than well it was thick ice under her feet, but she couldn't back off anymore. Someone had to put Ben – 493 back to his place and if the Manticore wasn't going to do it, she sure as hell was. "Didn't end so well, did it? And we tried that together too, didn't we?" _Hit it where it hurts the most, huh?_ "Yeah, and look where it brought us. Back in here."

_Back to the starting square. _"That doesn't prove anything, Angel." 

Gods, how stubborn can one be? Angel was not only getting frustrated herself, but also angrier and angrier by every minute. "That proves everything! This is our home whether you like it or not. This is were we belong and-"

Angel's words were cut off by a growl through Ben's gritted teeth. "Shut up!" He took a deep breathe to keep the volume of his voice controlled, "Don't tell me that you wanna live your life like this."

"What if I do?" She didn't hesitate to ask it. It wasn't about what she wanted, after all. It was about what _they_ wanted.

"You don't." Ben looked about ready to burst into flames. He wasn't happy with how the situation had turned out and neither was she. What kind of sick exam was it to put them into the same cell where they had nothing else but each other's company?

"Think about it, 493." She absolutely refused to call him by his 'name' and he noticed it. "It's so simple here. No troubles like we had in the outside. No troubles at all, except you of course. We're safe in here." Ben wasn't sure if she actually believed her own words or if it was a act she had to perform to convince him. Whatever it was, it wasn't that entertaining anymore.

"The hell we are. Tell me, Angel – do you miss him?"

The question was something she had not expected to hear. "You mean Michael?"

Ben rolled his eyes. "Who else?"

"No", she replied immediately.

Angel wasn't sure if it was a lie. Maybe it really was. She didn't remember that much about their son anymore but apparently he didn't believe it. They had almost succeeded with erasing her memories about him entirely but Angel knew that she had loved him. But that life wasn't going to come knock her door no matter how he tried to bring it back. So the only thing to do… was to put him and the life she had had behind her. And he should do the same for heaven's sake!

"Oh yes you do. You miss him like I do, don't try to make me believe anything else - I can see through you, Angel. You'd do anything to get all of that back. To get him back. I know I would."

He was wrong. After everything she perhaps should've hated Manticore for what they had done, but she didn't. This was what she had been built to do and trying to run away from it had been waste of time. "It's a good thing I'm not you then! This is my life now, try to get that! And yours if that matters." Angrily she tossed a lock of hair behind her ear where it belonged. "Like you always said; deal with it 'cause you ain't gonna get it any other way! It's our destiny."

"Didn't know you believed in lucky stars", he commented cynically. "Quit joking around! It's our purpose! Reason for us to even exist!"

"Even you don't believe that." Man, was she serious? It took all of his willpower to keep him from grabbing her. What the hell had they done to her? He knew she didn't really remember their life together anymore, but he also knew that day after day the memories she had grew stronger. Eventually she would remember, he would make her remember. Shaking her wouldn't have helped at all, but it would've made him feel better.

"We were made to serve this country!"

Bullshit. "Screw this country! Fuck it. They can kiss my transgenic ass as far as I care but I ain't gonna give up. You hear me? I'm gonna fight for us. And I'll beat them. I will."

Did he honestly think he could pull it off? That he could make it work? What a goddamn joke! Idiot. Angel shook her head killing the urge to laugh hysterically. He sounded so much like Max… and realizing that made her suddenly very aware of what she had been so scared of. _This._ That Ben would do what he did last time… that he would ran away with Max. Obviously Max wasn't going stay there behind the locked doors even though Lydecker sure tried to keep her there: the outside world had got into her blood for good. Max wasn't one of them anymore and it worked fine with Angel. She had been nothing but trouble anyway.

"There is no 'us'", Angel said when she got back from her thoughts. Ben groaned massaging his temples to ease the stress. Being X5 he should've been able to handle the stress but when it came to Angel, it was impossible for him to even try. "Yeah, and that's the real problem here, baby. There was 'us' and there's gonna be 'us' again. It just may took awhile", Ben replied glancing briefly around the room.

_Probably searching for something with what to knock me out,_ Angel thought sarcastically.

"You'll see", Ben added knowingly.

"Goddamn with you! How stupid can you get? This whole thing you got", Angel paused, took a deep breath and continued again a little bit calmer, "Your attitude – it's just gonna get you and probably even me into trouble, you know that, don't you?"

She was getting really pissed off but tried to hide it. Why couldn't he wake up to realize that the way he thought about things was only getting him closer to the end? It would've been a lot easier if he had been the soldier he once had been instead of this rebel guy who tried to be something he wasn't meant to be; normal. He wasn't normal for crying out loud! Never would be.

"I'm not gonna let you step back or let them destroy me. Or you."

Angel's index finger got up to point at him commandingly. "Oh yes you will, 493. You will do it no matter what! I've have seen how it works… the whole brainwashing thing – training – making you suffer. You've been there, I know you have. Can't you remember it?" She did remember. She remembered it too well to back there.

"Angel-"

"That's the one thing I can remember. And I know I've been there too." Of course she had. After trying to play the game with Ben and pretend to be normal… after they killed her precious baby boy… of course she had been there. She had done something wrong and when that happens, you get punished. She couldn't blame them for straightening her up, could she? "You know how it goes… It's their way to show us our place."

"I know."

Angel had no doubts. He had probably spent half of his life in psy-ops… the half he had spent inside Manticore. "They'll make you step back whether you like it or not! You're gonna lose that game before it even starts."

Ben tilted his head to one side with this unreadable look on his face. "We'll see about that."

"And you say I'm the stubborn!" The verbal fight had reached the yelling-level. "Yeah, well I learnt it from you!"

Oh you son of a b- Before Angel had the chance to translate her thoughts into an actual sentence, the sound of an explosion made her to jump and then the sound alarm finally attracted her whole attention. "What's that?" she asked looking at Ben who answered calmly. "That'd be the fire alarm."

"I know that!" She shrieked.

"Then why the hell did you ask? If you know that it's a fire alarm, you know that it usually means that there's a fire but 'cause I happened to be stuck in here with you the whole time – how the hell am I supposed to know? That is what you wanted to know, isn't it?

How had he grew out to be such a pain in the ass? It couldn't be the genes for they were supposed to be perfect. Then again, they were both faulty in a way, weren't they? "Forget I asked."

Ben sighed which was a reaction she hadn't expected. There was fire somewhere all he could do was sigh? "I can say one thing though – this is a bad", he stated and sat down on the floor next to his bunk leaning his head against the wall again eyes closed. Yeah, Angel knew that. _This really isn't good_.

It wasn't going to get any better by him just sitting there! "Do something!" she yelled hoping he'd stop looking at her with those green eyes of his. It almost made her forget that something was terribly wrong at the moment. 

"Do something, Ben!" she commanded again without realizing she had used his "real" name. Ben did note it although at that point it didn't make him feel any better. "Like what?" He asked, annoyed. "What the hell you want me to do? You're the soldier here, you figure it out!"

Angel was about to say something not so nice but then she smelled it and froze. It was smell of smoke. Smell of fire. How the hell she hadn't noticed it already? Suddenly they heard desperate screams reach their ears from other cells down the hallway.

Something had to be done and fast. Angel moved to the door and tried to open it. When it didn't move at all a hint of panic got hold of her. _Oh shit… Oh gods. _Something was wrong, like really, really wrong! She started to bang the door with her fists as hard as she possible could ignoring the pain it caused. Somebody had to hear – why wasn't it opening already? Why?

"Sweetheart." Ben's voice was soft, almost amused as he looked up to Angel. "I have this funny little feeling that it ain't gonna help."

What the hell did he mean by that? Angel didn't bother to ask – she knew she wouldn't like the answer anyway. "I knew it was gonna happen sooner or later." He raised his eyebrows to his own words and continued, "Actually I thought it would happen a little later."

"Shut up and let me think!" Angel snapped at him. Pessimism wasn't the solution, nope. _Calm down_, she commanded herself again like so many times before but it didn't seem to help that much. In fact, it had no effect at all.

"I'm pretty sure they ain't gonna let us out of here, Angel, so sit down and relax. Enjoy the view."

"Who asked your opinion? I mean, of course they're gonna let us out!" Ben was trying to fuck up her head, wasn't he? He would succeed only if she let him and she wasn't going to give him a chance.

"They are? And why would you think that?" For some unknown reason Ben gave a laugh as if there was something amusing happening around them.

"We're valuable military assets in case you didn't know. They need us!"

Only natural she thought so. One day she would realize just how much Manticore really needed them and for what exactly. Well, the dirty work didn't do itself, now did it? "Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Must be the only thing that helps you to sleep through the night, huh?" Silence landed upon them and no matter how Angel tried, she couldn't bring herself to look away from his eyes. "What happened to you, Angel? You were ready to fight the world and now – look at you, now you're just like one of them. What happened to the fire in you?"

"It started raining", she replied huskily, "What do you think happened to it? It was put out. They won." Angel shrugged her shoulders not knowing if it had been smart to admit that. "Now will you help me break this door or are you just gonna sit there like a damn idiot?"

"Well then, I'm gonna pick number two. Angel, ya know damn well that even you cannot break it. So now they won again. You'll see."

Why the hell did he have to act like that? He could've even tried to pretend like he cared about what was happening, but no. "No, you'll see!" Angel exclaimed loudly. "They'll come for us", she stated and continued hitting the door when it suddenly opened with a click. She looked over her shoulder at Ben to see his surprised reaction.

"See?" she raised her eyebrows as a sign of victory. Ben frowned as he got up from the floor and stepped closer. This was his chance; they're chance. "Let's go, now." It was a command more than anything else. Angel didn't argue – staying in a burning building wasn't what she thought of as a decent plan either. So, they ran into a hallway where everybody were running without any common sense.

All the sudden Angel was unable to move even though the smell of smoke already hurt her throat. It was the other side of Manticore that was burning but still screams yearning for help filled the hallways, or what was left of them anyway.

What was happening there? Was Manticore under an attack or what was it? And if it was then why the hell were they all running around like headless chickens instead of regrouping and defending the base? Had they learnt nothing?

Somebody ran into Angel making her fall down for Ben didn't even try to catch her.

"Come on." Apparently his short moment of pondering upon his options was over and decision made. "We have to get out of here." Ben grabbed her arm violently pulling her up and started to drag her down the hallway towards the door at the other end of the hallway. _Wait a minute!_ Angel frowned. Why did he drag her towards the exit instead of the regrouping spot?

"No! We can't just go! We have to stay defense!" Angel tried to stop him from moving but he kept dragging her along anyway. She knew that the exit-doors had automatically been unlocked by the alarm and if Ben really wanted to drag her out, he'd probably get his way. It wasn't that she didn't had what it take to beat him up, it was that at the moment she simply didn't have the strength.

"I'm not gonna stay here and you ain't gonna either!" With no doubt, he truly meant his words. "Are you gonna walk by yourself or am I gonna drag you out of here? Make up your mind - now!"

No! There was something more important than his freedom but he couldn't see it. There were people there; people that needed their help. "We have to help them!"

"We can't help them, Angel. No one can."

It was the tone of his voice that made Angel give up in the end. The hallway was already empty; she had no idea where everyone had gone to. For some reason they had all been running towards the opposite direction… And so she let Ben lead her out through the exit. What else could she do? Nothing.

"Freeze!" a growling voice demanded from the bushes just when they got outside. Ben pushed her behind his back as two military guards stepped into the light pointing guns at their direction.

Déjà vu.

"What are they doing?" Angel whispered to his ear. It didn't make sense; wasn't they supposed to protect them - help them?

"What they're ordered to do", he answered coldly, "– terminate us."

"Clever guy", the bigger guard barked. Angel didn't know what to do or say and before she even had thought about saying something, Ben started to talk. "Come on Sean, I ain't stupid."

Sean? He knew this guy's first name? Why? How? "Not for long anyway. I'm sorry, Ben. I really am, see I kinda liked your temper but I can't help ya out this time buddy."

Against all odds, Ben gave a loud sarcastic laugh shaking his head in what looked like disbelief. "Oh, when exactly have you helped me out?"

Sean didn't look exactly happy about his cocky attitude."Don't play smart ass with me, Ben. You and your little girlfriend there have to go back inside right now so that we can lock the doors."

So they can what? Angel couldn't believe her ears even though she know she had heard right. Those suckers were going to lock them in and let them burn? What the hell for?

"Over my dead body, you asshole", Ben said pointing him with his finger. His voice was low and his eyes were burning with anger. Angel knew that look more than well. He was going to fight his way out and not a single thing was going to stop him. "If you even so much as touch this little girlfriend of mine I'll break you neck, you got that?"

Only at that point Angel recovered from the shock and got her voice back again. "Hey, I ain't no one's little girlfriend, okay?" She stated with a sour tone. "But he got the 'breaking necks' part right!"

"Did you hear her, Sean? The bonehead is gonna put up a fight and his little girlfriend isn't too happy about it either. Shoot them will ya? We gotta things to do you know", the other guard cut into the conversation. "Yeah, like people to kill", Ben spat staring at them ready to attack.

"Among the other things - yeah, that too." Sean nodded taking pride out of his words. What kind of pricks were Manticore hiring these days? "You two do know that we can beat you up in a minute?" Ben questioned, but neither one of the guards looked impressed. "Yeah, well, we ain't freaks like you guys but you ain't faster than bullets." Sean lifted his gun a little bit higher to get a better aim.

The interruption came unexpectedly, as they normally do. "Actually I believe they are", strangely familiar voice said to the guards, getting them back off a couple of steps. Angel turned her head towards the voice only to see a man coming from behind a big tree pointing two little pistols at them. Or was it even a man? Upper left of his face was covered with some kind of metal and he looked like a robot to Angel. Who was it? Fortunately she didn't have to think about it that long for Ben recognized him.

"Zack?" he drew in a breath. Why did Ben sound so confused? Who was this Zack? Angel had heard that name before, hadn't she? She… Oh my God! _Zack?_ X5-599 - One of those twelve escapees' again!

"493?" The man just tilted his head observing them. "Nice to meet you again. We have met before." It wasn't a question as much as it was a simple statement.

"What the hell?" Was the only thing Sean got out of his mouth and it was pretty much what was going on in Ben's head too.

"Zack?" He repeated his brother's name to get his full attention, "What have they done to you?"

"You really should put down those big bad guns before somebody gets hurt – well, before you guys get hurt actually", said a female voice chuckling before Zack could say anything else and all of a sudden another figure stepped into the light next to him. With a speed that fooled even their eyes, she knocked down both of the amazed guards letting them fall down to the ground with a loud thud.

Angel could feel Ben shaking against her shoulder, but she knew it wasn't cold that made him shiver like that. It was them, whoever they were.

"Syl? Is it really you?" The question was whispered by Ben who couldn't believe it to be true. All these years, all those years spent alone there they were standing right in front of him.

Syl? Angel felt the rage building up somewhere inside her again. Was this little blond lady another escaper? Yeah, it was the only thing that explained Ben's sudden change of behavior. Man, this just wasn't her day at all!

"Don't forget me, big brother", third voice said and a next thing Ben knew was that he was face to face with dark good-looking guy. "Krit!"

Angel sighed. Krit? An X5 like Zack and Syl, no questions about that one.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?" Ben asked charging towards the petite blonde and pulled her into a hug. Only then he was sure of it; it wasn't some dream or hallucination – they actually were there!

"Saving your butts, that's for sure", Krit answered picking up the guns. "Yeah, obviously. Are you alright?" Syl spoke after pulling away from his arms. "We are", Ben replied nodding towards Zack, " – but is he? What has happened to him?" Krit shook his head with a shrug. "Do not know and apparently he doesn't know either."

"What?"

"He doesn't remember anything, didn't Max tell you? They did something really bad to him, messed him up for good. We'll talk later, we gotta blaze now. Come on, are ya ready Max? I mean we have to go now so you betta be ready."

What the fuck? _Max?_ Angel's blood was boiling again and she tried so hard not to hit him. _Max?_! Of course they assumed her to be Max! Hate that she had buried within inside her now took over.

"Max? _Max?_ You go to hell! All of you!"

"Okay, woah, what was that?" Krit's jaw opened into a question as he quickly looked at Ben hoping to get an answer. "She-" Ben started but Angel cut off his words. "Who the hell are you guys anyway? Ben, who are they? If they are those traitors like I think they are then I'm gonna kick their asses to Spain, you hear me!

"Shut up Angel and come on", Ben silenced her looking at Krit with an apologizing look on his face. "She ain't Max."

"Oh my God! She's her twin, right? 453?" Syl asked with eyes as big as plates. "Yep", Ben answered nodding again before he suddenly stopped and frowned. "Why did you – Is she here?"

"You didn't know? They got her ages ago and she just escaped. We came to help you guys."

"Help?" Angel spat the word out in disgust. "Why the fuck would you want to help after all these years?"

Krit was definitely not liking this girl's bitchy attitude. Manticore's marks were all easy to see. It wasn't her fault of course, but it did feel like she wasn't asking to be saved. "Well, as you can see the place is burning like hell which is Renfro's fault and also the reason why we should flee - now. We don't have time to go back to look for Max, she's on her own. She's fine, always is but we aren't if we stay. We have to go somewhere far, somewhere safe and never come back here. Are you two coming or not? This would be the time to make as decision here!" Syl rushed glancing around.

"We're coming", Ben answered and without waiting for Angel's answer she grabbed her in his arms and lifted her up onto his shoulder like an original caveman should. Angel was so stunned that she completely forgot to protest.

"Good choice", Krit said with laughter in his voice before they started running back to the shadowy forest. Branches scratched Angel's face but she didn't care, not now. She wasn't sure why she let Ben treat her like that. It was humiliating – to be carried like that on his shoulder like she had been a little naughty girl that had done something wrong.

"Let me go!" She suddenly screamed kicking his back with her legs and Ben stopped. "Fine", he said, "but only if you promise to come with me!" 

What choices did she really have? Running back to the Manticore would've been the smartest thing to do but she would have never gotten that far without a fight… and then there were those idiotic guards waiting to get to her.

So. "Fine", Angel said nodding even though all she wanted to do was punch him down, hard. "Fine, I'll come."

After hearing that he dropped her onto the ground. "Really?" Ben sounded surprised. "It's not like you're gonna let me stay in here and at this point – I'm tired of fighting with you. So yes, I'll come."

Ben didn't know if it was just a lie with what to get him off her back but he didn't care. He was going to make sure she'd get to somewhere safe even if it meant knocking her out and drugging her for few days to keep her out of harm's way. "Good choice. Again", Krit commented maliciously before he started to run again and just then Angel decided to hate him for the rest of her life. And his.

As they ran, Angel forced herself to keep eyes front instead of looking back. It was the only thing to do; she didn't want to see her life slipping away from her… again.

**A/N** Let's s see. This chapter has been on my comp for, what, years but only now I felt like rereading it and actually posting again. Cause chapter by chapter I'm gonna finish this story… even if it means I'll be writing it for thirty years. 


	8. The Truth is Out there

****

Chapter eight: The truth is out there

Blaming Ben was a good way to ease the guilt that leaving her kinds behind caused. She should've stayed there and made sure everyone got out safely. Then again, if Max had really been there she was probably taking care of that issue right now just to underline her own greatness. If Angel was supposed to feel grateful, she wasn't. Disgust was the only feeling besides guilt that her brain let her process.

"You alright?" It was Ben pulling her back from her thoughts into a reality where she really didn't want to be. Not there; sitting next to Syl in a back of an army van... face to face with Ben while Krit was driving. They were headed towards to… actually she didn't know. So she only shrugged to herself. What did it matter anyway? They were heading somewhere but she really didn't know where exactly that somewhere was. And well, neither did she care.

Away. It was the only thing she knew for sure. Away from Manticore. She shook her head a little. Away from her present life once again. Ben saw it as being free, she saw it as being out of place.

"Angel..? You ok?"

What, huh? Oh. "Yeah, I'm alright. Always", Angel answered as usual staring at her shoes - for some reason she wasn't able to look into his eyes. Didn't want to. She was about to fall apart piece by piece and she didn't want that to happen in front of the other X5s. _Get a grip._ Actually, she just didn't want it to happen in front of Ben.

It was weird. Somehow she found herself loving the guy and hating him at the same time. It was an impossible situation to solve no matter what; she knew that it wouldn't work between them. She was a soldier and he on the other hand… well, wasn't. Not anymore. So they were two different kinds of people in two different kinds of worlds, or that was what she kept telling herself to keep the pain away. Ben wasn't part of the world she knew. He didn't even want to be and he made it more than clear.

"So you're 453, right?" Syl asked carefully when she noticed the tenseness between them. It was hard not to notice – almost like a gray layer had been placed between them and someone had to try and get rid of it. 

"Yep", Angel answered finally lifting her head up but still avoiding Ben's eyes every way possible. "Wait a minute..." Syl narrowed her eyes as she opened her backpack trying to find whatever it was inside it.

"I think", she continued going through the insides of her bag, "- we have file about you… We found in this office back at Manticore just before the explosion."

At Manticore? They had been insane enough to go into the actual building and snoop around? They didn't lack in courage, that one she had to admit. "You have a file about me? With you? Here? How?"

"I just said – we found it. I took it just in case", Syl explained and pulled something out of her backpack. "Here. Ours weren't there, at least we didn't find them. And this is Max's", she said offering two brown folders to Angel to take. So as expected, Angel took her own but refused to take Max's file. She didn't even want to see it so the thought of touching it or reading it… No, she didn't want to know anything about her.

"You don't wanna take a peek? You sure?" Syl was surprised and as Angel saw it, she frowned. Well… Clearly Syl wasn't the kind of person to hide her feelings. Yeah, Angel thought, but she has been living in the real world her entire life so what else can I expect? _She ain't no soldier, remember?_

"No... I mean I'm sure", Angel said with no real explanation to share. Besides, she didn't have to explain herself to Syl, did she? She wasn't her friend or anything like that; being soldier she didn't have any and she wasn't too good with explanations.

__

Here goes nothing. Angel was already opening the file she was holding in her hand with shaky fingers when Ben all the sudden cleared his throat. "You sure it's a good idea?"

"What? Why wouldn't it be?" She asked wrinkling her forehead. Why wouldn't it be a good idea? She deserved to know what they had written about her, didn't she?

"I mean, are you ready to face those things?"

What?

"All the Manticore bullshit that's in there?" Ben tried to explain himself but somehow he sounded strange. What was he aiming at with this? It sounded almost as… "It just… I mean that you have to focus and that file is gonna mess up your head, I'm sure of it."

What was up with him now? Angel's curiosity only grew if possible. It was almost as if he didn't want her to open the file and see what it contained. Why? _No, it can't be that_, Angel tried to say to herself. He couldn't possibly know what the file had between its covers… Could he?

"How hard can this be, 493?" She asked deficiently wanting him know that she was still refusing to call him Ben.

But he didn't have time to think about that. _How hard can that be?_ Yeah, he knew the answer alright: Really hard. That folder was about to ruin everything. Why now? Just when he had thought he didn't have to be afraid of the truth coming out anymore she suddenly was about to find out everything. Life's fucked up way. It would kill her even though she wouldn't admit it and after that she would kill him. Slowly. Probably would bring him back to life few times just to see him die again. _Oh my God... if you really exist, help me. This would be the perfect moment to prove your being here_, he begged but didn't seem to get an answer. How typical. So instead of grabbing the folder and throwing it out of the window like he wanted to do, he just watched how Angel opened the file and slowly took a deep breath.

The first thing she saw was pile of pictures. Suddenly her whole life flashed in front of her eyes; all summoned up by simple pictures. Picture after picture she saw herself... in the infirmary, being tested, training, fighting, sleeping, eating, even killing, and also walking to the shop, talking to Ben, both of them playing with Michael in their living-room... When she saw herself, looking so happy in that picture… everything started slowly come back to her. Suddenly she was able to remember just when exactly Val had taken that picture, what she had been thinking at that moment, how unaware of the future she had been... They all looked so happy, but they hadn't known then what was gonna happen. They only had that moment and now it was gone like every other good thing in her life.

A lonely tear escaped the invisible barrier in the corner of her eye and ran down her cheek… she wiped it off angrily. There was no time for crying! Crying was for losers. Failures.

"What is it?" Syl moved closer to her and wrapped her arm over Angel's shoulder. A gesture that would've normally made her jerk away, but now it only brought comfort. "Nothing... Some stupid pictures... That's all."

"Listen", Syl started, "maybe Ben was right... maybe you shouldn't read it for now at least. You have to keep your head clear so we are gonna make it out alive."

But Angel didn't listen anymore. She was somewhere deep inside of her thoughts; dwelling in the lost times. Thinking about the past. About Michael. Ben had been right. She did want that life back but she knew it wasn't ever going to happen. _No, don't let this get a hold of you, soldier_, she demanded herself forcing her fingers to move on; she started to read the other papers inside the file to get her mind off Michael.

She knew all of those details already. She knew her barcode, her weight, her height, the color of her eyes... she knew her designation, her unit and where she had been trained, when and by whom. But then a pile of handwritten reports got her attention. This was with no doubt something she didn't know.

Ben saw the confusion shining in her eyes. Oh boy. This was not good.

She read the first one of them holding her breath at the same time. The reports had been written by X5-493 – written by Ben. For a moment she just stared at the piece of paper in front of her eyes. _Oh my God! This isn't true._ He couldn't have done that. He couldn't have. Not to her.

Angel read the report again. No matter how she wanted to deny it; it was there, black on white. X5-493 explained how he understood how important his assignment was for Manticore's future and there was a list of all kind of little things that she had done and said and-

Angel gasped before she looked at Ben.

"You knew!" she hissed not being able to hold back the tears. She gave a murderous look to Ben. She was sad and desperate but at the same time she was angrier than ever. More than angry – furious.

"You son of a bitch, you knew! It was them! You knew all the time and you didn't tell me!" Angel screamed.

Ben didn't say a word. He knew what she was talking about; it wasn't hard to guess. He had no excuse good enough that she would have actually bought, so why even bother to try? Of course, she could've come up with some kind of twisted little lie but Angel deserved something better.

"What's the problem there? I'm trying to drive here in case you didn't see, so shut up!" Krit yelled from the front seat where he was sitting with Zack. The noise was starting to eat up his concentration.

"You shut up!" Angel yelled back to him but didn't take her eyes off Ben... not even for a second. She wanted an explanation and she wanted it right away! No, actually she wanted to kick his ass but she thought it could wait till after she had gotten that explanation.

"Hey, take it easy there", Zack tried too but she didn't listen. All of her attention was pointed at Ben.

"There's nothing I can say to you, Angel. Nothing that makes you feel better. I can't say anything to make it look better either. There's absolutely nothing I can do to make you not want to kill me. I did what I had to do and that's it."

"You knew…" It sounded somewhat like a suffocated sob.

"Yeah I knew - of course I knew. It was my assignment... my job, honey. You have been there too, you said it yourself. There was no way out. Not for you and sure as hell not for me! We were testing you. Goddamn, you know that already. They wanted to see if you were capable of dealing with humanly feelings and still think like a soldier." All what he was saying, Angel knew already. She had forced it out on him during that first night together back at Manticore. And he had told her because she had needed to know. Only, he hadn't told her everything…

"You let them do that."

He couldn't have felt guiltier. "Like I had a choice and you know what, Angel? You failed the test and they killed him." Maybe throwing the blame on her shoulders wasn't that smart, but it was the only thing he figured would keep her from attacking him. And in the end, it wasn't a lie. She hadn't meant it to happen, but it had.

"I failed?" The pain in her eyes made it hard for him to think straight.

"Yes, you failed! His genes were imperfect so they didn't need him but they wanted you back to the headquarters."

"Why?" The question came to his ears as a whisper.

"You serious?" No one but he could hear his voice tremble a bit, "They wanted to try and fix you. All you needed was some serious training and that's what you got which I see has done the trick. I can only tell you that I couldn't do anything but to follow the orders. I had no choice, damnit!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Syl, who had been listening to the fight in silence cut into the conversation demanding to know what the fuss was about and Angel answered before he had time to say anything, "That bastard killed our baby that's what he is saying!"

"Ben...?"

"No, of course I didn't kill him", Ben defended himself giving Syl an angry glare. "I loved my son! But yes, she's right, I did know that they were gonna do it. What the hell was I supposed to do?" He continued cynically, "- Tell you the truth, ask you to marry me and escape with you to Hawaii?"

"That would have been a start!" Angel snarled barely controlling herself. All this time she had thought he was innocent…

"Can't you understand? They'd have had killed us all after that? They'd have hunted us down and killed us. I know now that going back to Manticore was the wrong decision to make, but come on Angel, I couldn't have known it then!"

Yeah, but it wasn't good enough. Hate, anger, sadness, disappointment, lost love... all of those feelings bubbling underneath the surface... they were written all over her face and realizing she'd probably hate him for the rest of her life hurt Ben more than he could take. He tried to act cool, like a soldier for once in his life but it was too damn difficult. Those big brown eyes… oh God… he just wanted to tell how sorry he was but his pride stood in the way.

"Stop the car!" Angel yelled to Krit all the sudden, but he didn't respond; either he didn't hear or then he didn't just care which Angel thought to be more likely. But she couldn't let it be - she wanted to get the hell away from the car… from Ben. She didn't want to see him ever again and she definitely didn't want be so close to him. Ben had lied to her… he had let those monsters kill her – their baby, and after that he had done nothing but lied to her - again!

Feelings again… If she hadn't had been so messed up with feelings back then maybe she would've had realized everything before it all happened. Feelings; she hated them! She even hated the fact she was capable of hating… to feel. She didn't want to feel anything anymore. She wanted to be strong.

A soldier.

"Stop the Goddamn car!" she yelled again with louder tone when Krit didn't respoond. "Stop the car!" And when he still didn't do as he was told, she moved towards him and reached out through the small window to his shoulder. Krit tried to push her away with his elbow.

"We ain't stopping here 'cuz you two got a little family problem!"

But Angel didn't care about his words. She had made up her mind – she would get out of there no matter what and that selfish prick wasn't going to stop her.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Krit groaned when Angel crawled through the small window, pushed him from the seat against the window on their side and hit the brakes as hard as she could. Unfortunately, Krit unintentionally turned the wheel at the same time and...

It happened so fast that she really didn't have the time to think about what she had done... everything suddenly started to spin around.

* * *

Was she floating?

"Oh my god, is she dead?"

Was he talking to her?

"Shut up!"

Was that Syl?

"What? I wanna know?"

Where were they?

"No I dun think she is dead! Go find him!"

Was they talking bout her?

"Where is he?"

Why did she feel so cold?

"Would I have asked if I knew?"

What was going on?

"Dam Syl… we gotta get her outta there like NOW."

Why did her arm hurt?

"I'm trying! I'll take care of it, go find Ben! Now!"

Ben?

"I'll go!"

* * *

****

A/N: On we go. Hope you're still enjoying the fic so far.


	9. Meeting with mister X

Chapter nine: Meeting with mister X

"Please, tell me you don't have anything to do with the _thing _that happened yesterday", Zack pleaded slamming his beer on the bar-table, scaring the crap out of Angel. She was sitting on a tall barstool holding a mug of beer in her hands staring the empty space in front of her trying to bury some ugly memories. Fighting crappy demons from past was what she did best, after all. "Angel…"

To that she gave a laugh in an icy tone. "Nice to meet you too, big brother." Raising her eyebrows indifferently she glanced at her companion and gulped down what was left of her beer. Zack shook his head in frustration and took a seat next to her trying to calm down his nerves. "You didn't do it, did you?" Usually he didn't bother asking her what was going on for he never got an answer but this was different. Now he needed to know.

"Have nothing to do with what?" Angel asked even though she knew exactly what it was that he was talking about. Okay, so maybe she had paid a visit to the east side of the town, so what? Big deal. It wasn't like the lady couldn't live without her little jewels and besides, she hadn't taken them all, just one of them. The big and rather expensive one maybe but… well. As said, the lady had more than one of those so no harm done.

"Don't play with me, Angel. I heard that someone stole Richardson's diamond necklace... and it's worth like thousands of dollars or more so..." Zack said lowering his voice to a level only she could hear. He was angry, but she didn't care - just smiled slyly. "So you're pointing the finger at me then." Should she have been insulted for getting the blame right away or hadn't she been careful enough? Had she really let a trace behind for him to track down? Big mistake.

"You did hear me, didn't you? Thousands I said."

"You said that, yeah", she stated and the smile on her lips only grew more malicious by every second, "but that's not what the guy who bought it said..."

Zack shook his head in disbelief. It was impossible what the girl could do in only few days. "I can't believe ya."

Was there something to believe? Angel ignored the tone of his voice by simply shrugging. It didn't concern her, she didn't care. "What I can't believe is that I only got ten grand! I mean can you believe _that_?" Why she felt the need to get under his skin was unknown to them both. It was just the way she was nowadays, bitchy beyond the limits for no obvious reason. Just because she could.

"No I don't", he said bluntly. Angel was never going to change was she?

"Well then we're stuck in the same boat here brother dear."

Time had truly shaped her into something new… almost scary. Every day they were forced to fear for her life and worry over her little mood changes. This was exactly why Zack had wanted them all to split when they had escaped from Manticore for the first time. This kind of crap was all it took to get caught, but yet he hadn't even considered leaving her behind to work it out on her own. "You promised you'd stop doing that... You looked me straight into my eyes and you promised!" he tried but the reply he got wasn't the one he wanted. "That hasn't stopped me before, Zack…"

Oh yes, he knew that. Had been stupid of him to wish things would change when Angel quite obviously wasn't ready to make it happen. "Yeah, we almost got killed last time you did it, remember? Why can't you keep your promises, Angel?"

Oh please, why did he have to sound like a worried big brother when he knew he had no reason to worry? She could take care of herself.

"And what the hell are you doing here anyway?"

Angel looked around and shrugged. She liked the place without knowing why. Maybe it just was dark enough for her… Blue atmosphere, sad music, drunken people… no one asking questions… or trying to kill her. It was like she hadn't even been there – no one noticed her. Except now. She glanced at him.

"What do ya think I'm doing here?" she answered with a question but didn't wait his answer. She simply wasn't ready to hear all that crap that he with no doubt would throw at her face if she gave him the chance. "Drinking", she started, "sitting, drinking, thinking, drinking, bitching, oh and did I say; drinking… and also getting myself so drunk that I don't know if it's day or night… ya know; the usual stuff. Why?"

"Stop that, Angel." Clear command, yes, but she wasn't in the mood to obey. She didn't have to obey anymore, did she? The new brave world with it's free will. People beating the living shit out of each others, stealing, betraying… the new brave world indeed.

"Stop what?" She questioned sarcastically as if she had had no clue.

"Angel… Don't use that tone with me, okay?" Examining her face, he couldn't believe this was the same passionate woman he had met months ago. This was someone else.

"You're not my mother."

Yeah, well. "And I'm happy for that but ya know damn well that we were worried about you!"

"Yeah right", she snorted signaling the bartender to give her another round. He caught the hint as quickly as usual and soon she had a new glass of beer in her hands.

"I'm warning you Angel."

Lately, it was all he had done. It amused her, really. He had used to be this leader; in charge of everything. He had had control over the other X5s and he had had their respect… made her wonder. If they had seen him now, would they still have respected him? "Oh how many warnings are you gonna give me? Twenty?"

Zack was getting more and more irritated second by second and she was doing it on purpose. Trying to step on his toes with her words to make him fall. This was not the Angel he knew and this side or her he didn't really want to know either. He loved his sister of course, but hated what she had let herself turn into. Indifferent towards everything.

"You just disappeared like that... You are supposed to tell us if you go somewhere and you didn't, so I think I deserve some kind of an explanation instead of that shit, okay?"

Sorry. "Hate to disappoint you big brother but I don't got one. I did what I did, get over it", Angel threw sighing. He returned the sigh watching her gulping down the beer.

There had to be some reason behind this all. Some other than the usual one. "What the fuck is bugging you so badly that you had to do something like that… and then come all the way into this dump just so you can get yourself drunk?"

"Whaddaya care?"

Did she honestly have the guts to ask that question out loud when she knew the answer more than well? Oh man how badly did he want to smack her across the face right there and then? Was it all about her insecurity and incapability to let go; to move on? "I asked you a question. What are ya trying to prove now? What the fuck is it this time, Angel?" Maybe calmer approaching would've worked better but really, he was tired of trying to feed her broken trust when it was proved that nothing worked. Things weren't going to change until she was ready to take the first step and allow them to.

****

What was it this time? Good, what wasn't it? Angel closed her eyes just to breathe for a moment. It was absolutely -she felt like laughing it away- everything there was and all the time. 24/7. It had been over four, five, six maybe even seven months since Manticore had burned… She hadn't really kept track of time but no matter how much time had went by they were still running, running for their lives. They had to keep running or they'd have been caught and it was more than clear to her that those three transgenics – Krit, Syl and Zack, they'd die before going back. Angel wasn't too happy about the thought of going back there either, but she'd rather have been in Manticore than dead. It wasn't all that bad in there. At least she fitted in there.

Angel's smile was sad. So much had happened within those months they had been laying low and running away from the trouble. Although it seemed like trouble followed her like sharks followed sinking boat no matter what she did. Or didn't. She frowned. Now she was slowly starting to confuse herself as well and that was never good, now was it?

__

Fuck!

She took another deep breath. She could do nothing else but wonder if all those things had really happen? Yeah, Zack had gotten his memory back one memory at a time and his face had returned to normal… and without even realizing it, Angel had become friends with those three transgenics that had saved her… Yes, they had moved from one place to another at least thirty times … And Ben… She sighed again but this time the sigh sounded empty. He was gone.

Yeah, she had killed him.

She swallowed hard. The whole stupid car accident… the fact that the van had fell down off a bridge, it was all her fault. She could still remember how mad she had been at him and how scared she had been when she had realized that Ben was missing. Syl had pulled her from river but they couldn't find Ben anywhere; not him nor his body. That had given them hope, not that she personally would've wanted it. Now however, they were running out of hope.

"How did you know I was in here? Have you been sneaking around on me again or what?" She asked finally totally ignoring his question and her own thoughts. Damn, she needed something else to think.

"Well it wasn't too difficult you know… You've been missing for couple of days and... This is some sort of habit of yours." Why did he suddenly sound amused? "You mocking me?"

"Get a grip Angel. This is almost like second home to you!"

She didn't deny it; there was no point in trying. "Okay, so maybe you're right… So you knew I'd be here. Then why the hell did you come?" now she opened her eyes again and glanced at him as he drank his beer. "Why? To tell you the same I always do: You have to forget what happened, Angel."

It was so easy for him to say. She had had something he had never experienced. It was one thing for him to still cherish his feelings towards Max but Angel; she had a child. A beautiful baby boy that had lit her whole word with only one smile. Maybe he thought it was about Ben, but it wasn't. "Why do you think I haven't got through it already?" She asked suddenly though she knew he wouldn't buy it. Heck, even she heard it from her own voice. A lie.

"I'm not stupid Angel", his voice was deep – deeper than usually. "and neither are you. You can't torture yourself anymore, it's not healthy and it definitely ain't safe. It's all over, forgiven and forgotten", he continued after finishing the drink

"Forgiven?" The word was spat out like a deadly virus, "Forgotten, huh? Well it's good you've forgotten. Maybe you can then tell me how the fuck can I forget it all too? Forget my life?"

"Angel listen to me…" He put the glass down on the table moving his hands to turn her around on her seat to face him completely.

"No you listen to me!" Now Angel was more than furious. What the hell was Zack thinking? That she could just get on with her life after all that… after the lost of her son and...

"It was my fault", she said refusing to finish up her thought. "They killed Michael because of me and Ben, he died cause of me… so it's not easy to put it behind me, ya know? Not that I care about that bitch being killed… He deserved it…" That was a lie and they both knew it. "…but something could have happened to you guys too", Angel claimed and Zack nodded which surprised her because she had thought Zack would try to make her think otherwise.

"Okay, I'm not gonna lie to you, Angel – if that's why you look so surprised… so I admit that", he said with a shrug. "You're right, the accident was your fault but you can't let it rule you anymore. And even you know there's no way you could've changed Michael, ya know what I'm saying, don't ya? You have to start living again; but not like this… not in this dump, Angel. We need your help, not your absence you know; and I'd say this is definitely the absence.'"

She looked away. "I'm just messing things up."

"Self-pity? Great…" Man, wasn't this just awesome. He rolled his eyes blowing the air out of his lungs trying so hard not to scream out his frustration. There where days he truly questioned not only his own training but Angel's too… A transgenic dwelling in self-pit was just what they needed, huh?

"So what? I'm still messing things up."

Was it her lifework to irritate him? "Well, that's also true, you usually are the one who puts us into trouble but you know what, Angel?"

"No", she said without hesitating. She did not want ti hear it – whatever he was about to say, she did not want hear it.

"Well we do - we know that you don't do it on purpose, ok? You also clean your own mess, so don't be so hard on yourself."

Oh yeah, that'll change everything, right? "Jeez, that makes it all better-" a familiar face on TV screen above the bar interrupted her sarcastic sentence. "Turn up the volume!" Angel yelled to the bartender who did as she requested with somewhat bored face.

__

"…This is an Eyes Only streaming freedom video bulletin. The cable hack will last exactly sixty seconds. It cannot be traced, it cannot be stopped, and it is the only free voice left in this city…"

"Oh, not that bastard again! I can't stand those freak speeches this fuck always keeps!" Somebody made a noise Angel most definitely didn't want to hear. "Hey, shut the fuck up!" She yelled to the man sitting next to Zack. "Whatever, cutie", he snorted to her and for that, he got very angry look from both of them.

"_Lately every crime, every act of violence committed on our city streets is being blamed on transgenics..._"

"Doesn't that motherfucker ever get tired of that transgenic crap! So what if they are in Seattle? We ain't! Like we care what he thinks about them!" some man yelled behind them.

__

That's it. Enough is enough, Angel thought as she looked over her shoulder to find out who it was that was disturbing her.

"Yeah, screw those bitches! Until they come into my sight I don't give a fuck about them!"

Guess what asshole? There was one reporting to duty. "Hey what the hell did I just tell ya?" Angel interrupted his croaking with a voice so cold that for a moment even Zack looked at her in concern. Angel was gonna put up a fight and he wasn't too happy 'bout it. Hell, that usually meant broken bones, crying, screaming, a lot of blood and… cops. _Yeah_, he sighed silently, _definitely the cops._

"Why don't you just be a good little girl and shut the hell up?"

If this guy had known her at all, he wouldn't have said that. Angel was getting pissed off, which was nothing new but she just couldn't help that every time she heard someone talking like that about Eyes Only… or worse, bout transgenics, making fun of them or mocking them, she totally lost her temper. No one was allowed to talk about her family that way and she was gonna make sure that this man would remember it for the rest of his miserable life!

Drinking his beer the man turned to look at her in the eyes and slammed his empty mug on the table as he got up from the stool. "You said something, cutie?" _Cutie?_ How goddamn original was he?

"Yea, I said something you big ugly bald bonehead. You wanna find out exactly what it was?"

Her eyes narrowed as the man came slowly closer and without her even noticing, she crinkled her nose as she got up. The man was big, a lot bigger than she was but the size of her opponent had never been an obstacle. After all, she had beaten up a lot bigger guys before, so this one she wouldn't even notice.

"Don't do it", Zack warned her quietly but was completely ignored. There was the kind of sparkle in her eyes he had seen too many times already. He didn't even try to change her mind, just swung his hand as if he didn't care anymore. Honestly, he didn't. It wasn't like they could stay there after it anyway so what the hell. "Okay then, go ahead…" he sighed quirking his eyebrow. "This is gonna get interesting", he continued lowering his voice again. Things could easily get really ugly… when he saw the bartender reaching out to the phone to call no other than the police, he ordered some scotch. It gave the bartender something to do and anyway, he had a feeling he'd needed it soon.

"Oh, little lady here has something to say?" The man mocked again. Gods, he thought he was such a strong stud, didn't he? Guys, always overestimating themselves. "Yeah, you show her, Duke!" some other guy laughed which only made Angel smile. What weak stupid creatures humans were.

__

"Don't believe the hype. This has been an Eyes Only streaming freedom video bulletin. Peace. Out."

She glanced to the TV-screen. "Darn… Now I missed my favorite show… So I'm really pissed off at the time so if I were you, I wouldn't wanna come any closer", she said blinking her eyes and tilted her head to one side trying – no not trying but looking as innocent and sweet as she possible could. Pretending was part of the training, after all. The man called Duke gave a short, nervous laugh rubbing his chin and this reaction amused her. Men… they fell for it every single time! Millions of years of evolution and they still didn't get it.

"Oh, why not, sweetheart? Beautiful girl like you… Are you teasing your daddy by coming here after bedtime? Well, I'm sorry, sweet face, but I think that someone has to give you a little lesson", he barked with laughter and continued, "and I would be more than happy to give you a little spanking on the ass."

The only thing Angel felt appropriate to do was roll her eyes in disgust. "You would, huh? Funny thing is it ain't gonna be me who's about to get a lesson here."

"Oh, really?"

She nodded matter-of-factly. "Really."

It was over faster than usually. It wasn't like she had to do anything 'cause only with one strong kick directed to somewhere near his head, he collapsed onto the floor breaking the chair behind him while doing so. No one didn't say a word nor tried to attack her and those whose had stood up minute ago, sat down again like they hadn't seen anything. Fools, their never stood up for each other.

"Well that was fast", Zack noted standing up. Quickly he drank his scotch and peered at the people around them. As always, everyone seemed to be busy with talking and drinking but he knew that they were only covering their asses so they wouldn't get into the fire line.

"True… Typical man", Angel sighed wiping her hands together and turned towards him tossing her hair over her shoulder. Zack shook his finger at her as a warning but the corner of his mouth quirked up into a small smile. "Oh no lady, let's not go there, okay?" She only shrugged letting him continue, "maybe we gotta go somewhere... like the fuck away from here before the police bust in. That ain't gonna be pretty."

"Yea", Angel agreed, "it's probably a good idea." Blazing always was.

He scanned the area around them trying to find a safe way out. There. "Damn right it's a good idea - it's a goddamn excellent idea as a matter of a fact! Come on… to the backdoor." He pushed her back with his hand forcing her to pick up her pace. "Go, go, go!" Zack rushed her as she slowly walked through the bar towards the exit.

Cold air hit against Angel's face the minute she stepped into the alley behind the bar. There was nothing there other than two big trash bins and the awful smell of rotting garbage floating above them, but they both just shut it out of their minds – out of their noses.

"That wasn't too smart, Angel. Glad it wasn't a bigger fight."

She almost chuckled. "Fight? You call that a fight?"

Silence.

"Okay, okay." Hands raised to the air, she gave defeated sigh, "just don't give me that pathetic look! I know it was stupid but I couldn't help it! You know me... That idiot was mocking us without a reason!"

"Yea, and now he has a reason."

"Good for him!" Angel snapped. How could he ignore that bastard's words like that? Ignore his attitude? Didn't he care how ordinary people saw them? Probably not. "Now you say: 'Let's just go find the kids and let them know we have to leave somewhere.' That is what you came to tell me, wasn't it? That they are onto us again?" Angel asked coldly. Zack nodded once biting his bottom lip. He smiled slightly but only to calm her down.

"Okay, you caught me on this one."

"What do ya mean by 'on this one?' I always get you Zackie. So, tell me", Angel replied rolling her eyes and hopped onto the big trash bin. "Come on… We really should get the hell away from this place… so shall we go?" Zack suggested politely but Angel shook her head. No way.

"Nope, see we ain't going nowhere till I hear what you have to say… then we can go home… if that place can be called home. Besides, I don't wanna freak out Syl, so spit it out already. Don't wanna sit here all night 'cuz this thing is like freezing… my ass is getting kinda cold, ya know."

He should've known Angel wasn't going to make it easy for him. Zack leaned his back against the dirty wall and crossed his arms. The smile was gone.

"Fine… But you ain't gonna like this…"

"I know", she sighed shrugging. What were the odds of her ever liking his words? "Believe me, I know. What is it?"

By the look on his face, it was something worse than just having to move out again and change the location. It was something she definitely wouldn't like, wasn't it? "I wanna… I wanna go back to Seattle." His voice was as steely as always but this time Angel's brain didn't read his words as fast as usually.

__

Oh for the love of God…

"Okay, I don't like this… can we hit the rewind here? Or press the fucking pause button? 'Cuz I think I've missed something here…" She was stepping over the edge for sure. "You? Seattle? Back? Hmm... Now why is it that I don't wanna hear those words in the same sentence?"

"This ain't funny."

"No, it isn't", she snapped. It was as funny as sitting on a cold trash bin was. "You – _Zack_, wanna go back to Seattle?" Zack confirmed it by nodding again. "Wait a minute here, okay?" Angel's hand moved rapidly in the air to every direction possible. "Just wait a minute - you were the one who kept saying 'no' when Syl wanted to go back, am I right?"

Zack nodded again. "I thought so too." She glared at him. "You told us that it would be too dangerous. So what the hell has changed?" But it wasn't the question she really wanted to be answered… "Why? Why do ya do this now?"

__

Oh boy… she was not gonna like what he was about to tell her. Not one bit. Zack could actually imagine her giving him a nice little kick to his groin… Even the thought of it hurt but what options did he have? If he got out of this one alive, telling the news to Syl and Krit would be the easiest thing on earth.

"I have a reason to believe that Max is in serious danger and I feel like we need to go help her. They really got onto her this time… And she did the same for us and she would do it again."

Oh my god! She couldn't believe what he was saying. "Feel? Okay… You have a reason, huh?" Angel's eyes were on fire and the rage within her made her body tremble. "I don't wanna know what that reason is, I don't care and I so don't wanna go back to Seattle… The most important thing is: I don't wanna save that bitch's ass, okay?" Everytime something went wrong in her life, it had to be about Max, huh? There was just no fucking way for her to get rid of her twin sister's presence was there? "So you guys go ahead but I ain't coming with ya if you're asking me to", Angel stated her opinion and Zack ran his hand through his hair looking frustrated.

There was no reason good enough that would get her go back to Seattle, he knew that. And if Zack suggested going just 'cause he "had a reason" to believe Max was in danger, that didn't make it any different. So what if she was in danger? Hello? So were they! Max had ruined her life once and there where no chance in hell that Angel would let that happen again! No way, no how. Besides, Max was an X5 like they – of course she was in danger. Only a self-destructive idiot would've stayed in Seattle after everything… and guess what? Max had. Wasn't her fault Max lacked in intelligence.

"I owe her nothing", Angel snarled through gritted teeth after a brief moment of silence. This was one of those moments she was craving for a cigarette even though she didn't smoke. At least not that often.

"Wrong, Angie. Dead wrong. You owe her everything. You owe her your life!"

__

Say that again and I'll kill you. "Can't believe you just said that", Angel whispered and dropped herself down with vacant look in her eyes. Did he even have a clue how much those words hurt her? Apparently he did because when she turned around, ready to head somewhere else – it didn't matter where - soft voice stopped her.

"I'm sorry, Angel, I really am." He turned her around gently. "You come or not – that's your decision but I'm going and somehow I have a feeling that Krit and Syl are gonna agree with me… for once."

Yeah, she had that same feeling. "I know", she said and took a deep breath. "I have to think... I mean it's Seattle... ya know... Give me some time… You go home and I'll catch up you guys later. When are you planning to leave?"

Alright, compromise, that was something. "Okay, Angel, okay. I give ya one hour, Angie, that's it. Then we'll be outta here, okay? Only one hour, no more, no less so be good and think fast."

An hour. One lousy hour to decide what to do with her life? Angel turned around without saying a word and walked through the alley to the empty street. She didn't see anyone and the only sound she heard was her own footsteps against the pitch black asphalt. Why did it have to go like this? Every time that they settled down, something came up. And if it wasn't Manticore, police or that new cult that was chasing them… of course it had to be Max then. _Why in earth should I help Max?_ She asked from herself. The simple answer was: for no reason at all.

"Hi there", a voice said making Angel freeze. Little farther away there was a man standing in the middle of the street facing her. Angel narrowed her eyes to a man who was wearing a long black coat and same color suit which gave him away; he wasn't from around there and that made him the enemy. Even from there she could see the same cold theme in his eyes which now was on hers too.

"What do you want?" she immediately questioned with a strong voice against all regulations of Manticore. Never make the first move when you're exposed which she felt she was. Who the hell was this guy and what on earth would a guy looking like that do in there unless… _Is he one them? Is he one of those Manticore bitches?_

He moved, started walking closer to her and though all she wanted to do was run, she knew she couldn't. Never show your weakness! And hell, running from a battle was not her thing.

"I want you to come with me." His voice was low, commanding, and… calm.

Suddenly Angel wanted to laugh. He had to be kidding!

"Didn't you mother teach you that you can want whatever you want but that doesn't mean you'll get it."

"Well, I at least had a real mother."

Now her face became serious again. What had he meant by that? Angel tried to study his face but there were absolutely no trace of emotion anywhere.

"Oh, and I didn't?" Technically… she didn't.

"Well, of course you had a birthmother – we all do but I doubt that you X5s had a lot of time to play with your mother, or did you?" He sounded amused like he had known who she was. And what she was. Did he?

__

Well, the guy here is talking about X5 so… Angel sighed before she opened her mouth to a new question. "Who are you?"

"You don't have to know that. It's enough that I know everything about you, 453", he said not caring to answer her question. Automatically she glanced around them to make sure no one else was hearing it. Further exposure was not needed and definitely not wanted.

"I don't know how you know my... name but-"

"You mean your designation, don't you?" he interrupted her smiling like a little selfish boy.

"Whatever you choose to call it -", she spit back rolling her eyes. The guy was obviously playing with fire. " – is fine by me but you don't seem to know anything else like with whom you're dealing with here", Angel started with a defiant tone when she suddenly couldn't go on. Something had pricked the skin of her neck and now it felt like the world around her was spinning wildly.

"Okay, guys, put her into the car."

Into the car? What car? And guys? What guys? What was that thing she was feeling? Hot, itching feeling crawled up and down her body making all her strength vanish into the air.

"What... did... you... do... to... me?" Angel gasped as she fell down on her knees looking at him with confused eyes. Suddenly she felt two pair of hands grabbing her arms and dragging her to...

Everything went black.


End file.
